The heart is a lonely hunter
by Dr.LexieSloan
Summary: she was a person like Sawyer. At least she became one after some tragic events. That's how she knew that he had been through some shit in his past. Someone is not simply like that, they become that way. Mostly through a traumatic experience. And as much as he wanted to know hers, she wanted to know his. Sawyer/Kate; Sawyer/OC
1. Pilot (1)

**Hey guys!**

**I am a huge Lost fan and realized not many fanfics about Sawyer exist. So I got inspired by one I read which is called Meant to be (check it out it´s amazing) and decided to write my own fanfic. Although I am a big shipper of Sawyer and Kate and don´t get how people can ship her with Jack (sorry not sorry) I did add an OC called Olivia/Liv to kind of tell another story and because I kinda wanted to express my feelings and my story through her. So have fun and enjoy it. Please leave a review to let me know what you think of the story and how I could improve it.**

**Lots of love**

The nervous clacking of Olivia´s fingernails on the tray of the seat in front of her was beginning to pick up a faster pace. She exhaled closing her eyes trying to relax a bit more. The lights which were signalizing her that she could open her seatbelt were out for a few hours already but she didn´t think of it for a second. In fact she tightened it even more.

"Not to be rude but your fingers annoy me." a deep male voice with southern accent suddenly meant and Olivia opened her eyes and looked at the passenger next to her. She put her hands on her thighs to try and keep them still but the anxiety rose up again. Her right hand reached up to the air-conditioner and she tried to turn it on but it seemed to be broken.

"Bloody..." she cursed under her breath and heard the man sighing in annoyance again.

"Not a big flyer, are ya?" he asked with a smirk without looking up from his magazine.

"No, I´m not." The petite woman leaned back in her seat again and closed her eyes taking a few deep breaths.

"This your first time?" he continued his questions and even though he still didn´t look at her, he knew she was shaking her head.

"Just never flown alone." She turned her head and faced the man who had messy dirty-blonde hair. She scanned his body and although he was wearing a long sleeved shirt she noticed the outline of his biceps shining through.

"I can keep you company." he suddenly looked up and they locked eyes for a second before Olivia quickly broke the gaze off.

"Not to be rude but you smell like you drenched your hair in Vodka." she smiled slightly, starting like he started their conversation. The man scoffed and reached to the pocket on the seat in front of him and pulled two plane-sized Vodka bottles out, holding one out for her.

"Maybe one of these will keep you accompanied." he smiled and they looked at each other again. She was amazed by how nice his smile was and the dimples on his cheek made her knees a little weak.

"No thanks. I don´t drink." she kindly denied his offer and he put one back in the pocket and emptied the other himself.

"Why´re you not drinking? You must be what? 20, 21?" he wondered shaking his head softly as the burning liquor ran down his throat.

"Not that it´s your business but I´m actually-" Olivia wanted to reply but the plane suddenly started making more noise and shaking alarmingly hard. The "fasten your seatbelt" signs lit up again and the brunette woman almost tied off her legs, that´s how tight she pulled it. Olivia´s hands shot to her armrests and she held on for dear life shutting her eyes close.

"It´s fine, probably just turbulences." the blonde man tried to calm her down but she just exhaled shakily and it looked as though she wanted to press her body into the seat. The plane calmed down and with it the chatter of other worried passengers. Olivia just opened her eyes again when the plane suddenly started shaking again and going down rapidly.

"That´s no bloody turbulence!" was the last thing Olivia remembered saying before everything went black.

* * *

Blurred out voices of men arguing woke Olivia up. She had a massive headache and felt a sharp pain in her left leg. Her eyes wandered around. She was lying under a tree on cold sand. Her hearing got better and wasn´t blurred anymore and she could hear machines whirring and people screaming. The girl tried to sit up and look around and slowly her memory got back. Their plane crashed. And she was alive.

"Hey look who woke up." She noticed the two men who were standing just a few feet away and arguing about whatever. One of which she recognized as the passenger who sat next to her. The other one was wearing a suit and had very short dark hair. He appeared to know what he was doing when he pressed on some points on her body and asked if she felt any pain. She hissed when he touched her left ankle and slowly moved it. "Do you have any medical history?" he asked, taking some sticks and cloth to bandage the ankle.

"My ankle, I hurt it quite often, even broke it once. What happened?" Olivia was still groggy and couldn´t remember how she got to this place in the shadows.

"Sawyer found you and brought you here. It´s a wonder you can still feel your legs. You could have paralyzed her." the dark-haired man obviously said to the blond who Olivia now found out to be named Sawyer.

"Sorry I´m not an accomplished doctor like you Jack whatever-your-name-was!" Sawyer snapped back at him

"Just leave and do something where you won´t hurt anyone." Jack didn´t bother looking at Sawyer while he continued to bandage her ankle. Sawyer scoffed in disapproval and stamped away soundly.

"Do you take any medications? Any recent illnesses or recent trips to tropical countries?" Jack asked and Olivia smiled.

"You mean besides this place?" she snickered pointing out where they were and a smile appeared on Jack´s lips. "Jack..right?"

"Yes. Jack Shephard, neuro-surgeon. I´m sorry you had to hear this argument." he apologized and reached out his hand.

"It´s fine. Olivia Hemington. But everybody calls me Liv." she gladly shook the doctor´s hand and he continued his questioning.

"Are you pregnant at the moment?" he looked up and he couldn´t quite figure out her expression. It was a mix of shock and pain. She quickly shook it off and put on a smile.

"I hope not." she giggled to hide how uncomfortable she felt talking about that to a perfect stranger.

"So you are sexually active?" he had a little piece of paper that he wrote on, seemingly acting as a patient´s chart.

"How exactly does that affect my ankle?" she tried to avoid having to answer that. A lump formed in her throat making it harder to breathe and harder to not show in how much pain she actually was.

"I´m sorry..." Jack scoffed, which showed her that he as well, wasn´t comfortable doing that. "Okay I want you to rest, I can´t tell if your ankle is broken or not without an x-ray so I´m gonna keep a close eye on it and check on you later. Don´t try to stand up okay?" Liv nodded in agreement and tried to find a more comfortable position. "Oh and can I know how old you are? Just in case I´ll find medication and can portion it for you."

Liv looked up at Jack who was standing already and smiled shyly. "I´m 17."

* * *

Olivia lost track of time. She wasn´t sure if it was hours or just some very long minutes ago that Jack did a check up on her. He said her ankle probably wasn´t broken but just sprained, however, she should elevate and rest it. The enormous heat and curiosity urged Liv to take a peek at what had happened down by the shore. She pushed herself onto her right leg and fell against a tree for support. She felt a sharp beating pain in her ankle joint, knowing that her ankle, which bothered her for years, will probably never allow her to walk normally again. She gasped in pain when she jumped towards another tree where she found a stick long enough to use as a crutch. Setting her foot down in the sand seemed to be a good idea with the support of the crutch but just two steps later she screamed in pain as something felt like it snapped right in her joint. Fortunately, strong, muscular arms were there to catch her. She was put down in the sand and Olivia could only then look up and notice that it was Sawyer. A very much topless Sawyer.

"Thanks." She mumbled and threw the stick away with an angry sigh.

"Let me guess you´ve never been good in sports." Sawyer made fun about how close to them the stick landed and she hit him softly on his thigh. "I thought the doc ordered you bedrest."

"He did." Liv crossed her arms in front of her chest as she was mad about herself.

"Then why are you walking around?" Sawyer sat down next to her with a smile on her face and she looked at him grumpily.

"I just can´t sit on my arse the whole day. I want to help or at least know what´s going on. People will think I´m an outcast or don´t want to help." She informed him about her worries which only made him scoff more. "What´s funny about that?" she asked in a serious tone.

"I think people will understand, Kid." He meant pointing at her swollen and blue foot. Olivia just shrugged and needed a few seconds to realize what he just called her.

"And my name´s not Kid. My name´s Liv." She explained but only got a grin from Sawyer´s side and he stood up offering his hand to help her.

"I ain´t calling no one by their real name, sweetheart." He chuckled as she tumbled on her right foot, struggling to stay on it in the loose sand. She felt Sawyer´s arms around her waist for support and how she tended to fall against him. She had a sudden flood of anxiety and panic coming over her when she felt his tight grip that she started to shiver and shout that he should let her go.

"Leave me alone!" she screamed anxiously and in pain, "Let me go! Don´t touch me!" Olivia cried, her voice hoarse already. Sawyer didn´t understand what was going on he just tried to help her and he couldn´t just let her fall since he was afraid to hurt her more. However, her screams attracted Jack and some others to come to her aid. By the time that Kate, Jack and Sayid had arrived Sawyer had put Liv down in the sand again and she shivered with her eyes closed. He was barely up again when a fist hit him on his jaw and he fell to the ground. Sawyer´s vision was blurred for a moment but he soon noticed Sayid who was towering over him and about to go down for another punch. Jack pulled Sayid off Sawyer before they would hurt each other even more, whilst Kate went to Liv and soothed her.  
"I told her to stay where she was what the hell were you doing?" Jack yelled and more people came to watch the fight. Sawyer pressed his hand on his lip which started to bleed after the hard punch.  
"I think it's quite obvious what he was trying to do." Sayid thought out loud in his thick accent, nodding towards the point that Sawyer was shirtless and what Olivia was screaming. It took a moment for Jack and Kate to realize what he meant.  
"Sick jerk." Kate meant under her breath as Liv calmed down and breathed normally. Jack turned to Sawyer who got to his feet again and his angry gaze could have killed him if possible.  
"Man listen. I didn't do nothing. I just tried to help her up."  
"Why was she even on her feet huh? You wanted to get away with her? Get a quiet place for you to hurt her?" Jack came a bit closer and his voice was shaking with anger.  
"What the hell man? Who do you think I am?" Sawyer got angry at his assumptions and tried to get in his face.  
"I don't know who you are. I don't know any of these people. But everybody else has tried to help and all you did was hoarding and seemingly doing this girl wrong." Jack and Sawyer were so caught up in their discussion, they didn't even notice that Kate had helped Liv up.  
"He didn't do anything." They suddenly heard her saying and the whispering crowd that formed got silent.  
"You called for help." Sayid pointed out and Liv, who leaned on Kate and the stick from earlier sighed.  
"It wasn't his fault. He helped me. I fell down and he caught me. I just wanted to see what was going on. I had a flashback of sort and felt uncomfortable. He didn't do anything he didn't try to..." Liv's voice suddenly broke and her eyes welled up. "Leave him alone..." she sobbed and the others weren't sure what has happened but Jack got out of Sawyers face. He went to Liv to help her from her other side but she pulled away.  
"Don't!" She gasped and insisted that just Kate would bring her to her original spot.

* * *

Olivia wasn't too fond of sitting alone by a tree, not knowing what was going on. It just got dark and she felt left out as she could hear people sitting by a fire which she noticed because of the smoke and the light she saw in the distance. A tear rolled down her face, thinking about how upset and confused Sawyer looked. She may haven't showed it but she actually liked him.  
"What are you concentrating so hard on Kid?" She suddenly heard a familiar voice behind her and immediately smiled by its sound. She turned around to see Sawyer who was shoving a wheelchair and had some large plastic sheets on it.  
"Hey." She greeted him with a small smile as he sat down next to her with a sigh of exhaustion.  
"Man, I'm getting old." He joked and Liv let a scoff out.  
"You're just as old as you feel." She gave him a nudge in his ribs and swooned over how cute his dimples looked.  
"Anyway I thought you might get lonely and cold here so I thought I'd bring you to the fire. Found this wheelchair on the beach." he stood up and brought it closer to her and to his surprise she didn't argue. "You want me to help you up or are you gonna scream again?" He made fun of her and Liv now remembered why his lip and jaw were blue again.  
"I am so sorry. I really didn´t mean to-" she tried to apologize but Sawyer cut her off by waving it away.

"Nah, it´s good. But I´d be interested in why you were screaming the hell out of your tiny body." He chuckled sitting down on the wheelchair himself.

"That would really interest you wouldn´t it?" she smiled and her eyes lit up when he replied it with a nod. "Personal crap you don´t wanna hear about it." She reached out her hand so he would help her up on that wheelchair but he didn´t move.

"Not until I hear your story." He urged her to tell and she got frustrated by the second. Olivia turned her head to the distant fire, feeling goosebumps forming on her arms and legs. "You cold? Hm…a warm fire doesn´t sound half-bad does it?" he continued mocking her not noticing that she had tears in her eyes.

"It´s a messy story okay? One I don´t share because it´s just dark and…twisty and straight up depressing. I don´t want to think about it and I don´t want to talk about it especially not you all right?" Liv looked at the older man wiping away a tear and trying for her voice not to break. Sawyer felt bad making her cry but also wanted to leave. He hated when he didn´t get his way and people weren´t telling him things but he also already thought of ways to get it out of her sooner than later. The blonde man stood up and slowly grabbed the petite brunette by her waist, this time without triggering anything, and put her into the wheelchair.

"This won´t work out I´m telling you. This will not work in the sand." Liv chuckled as Sawyer tried to push the wheelchair around.

"The hell it will. I always make things work." He grunted angry at the chair until he finally pushed it hard enough to get it going. They laughed the whole way over to the fire as Sawyer almost stumbled a few times. They finally arrived and a big man called Hugo as well as another blond with British accent made space for them.

"Nah, I´m good. I better be going to my place." He winked as he parked Liv by the fire and took the plastic sheets, he had with him the whole time, pointing to a half-finished tent. Olivia wanted to convince him to stay but she knew it wouldn´t make a lot of sense. A person like Sawyer doesn´t stay at campfires. She knew that because she was a person like Sawyer. At least she became one after some tragic events. That's how she knew that he had been through some shit in his past. Someone is not simply like that, they become that way. Mostly through a traumatic experience. And as much as he wanted to know hers, she wanted to know his.


	2. Pilot (2)

"I´m sorry, I didn´t know you were here…you can have some of my food." Hugo held out a black plastic dish with some mashed potatoes and what seemed to be peas but Olivia denied.

"It´s fine thanks." She waved it off as if her stomach wasn´t growling already and she wasn´t starving. Apparently, Hugo gave out the dishes that were on the plane to everybody, but didn´t have any left for Olivia, who he didn´t know existed until a few moments ago.

"No, you must be starving." Charlie, who was the blond Brit, meant holding out the rest of his dish as well, but Olivia denied it again.

"Really guys…you should eat your meal…those plane meal things are small anyway." She giggled when another girl, not much older than her, came to sit down to her left.

"What happened to your foot?" she asked in an Australian accent and rubbed her belly. It wasn´t until then that Liv noticed she was pregnant.

"Sprained it." She looked at her ankle which was still covered in some cloth and sticks, trying to ignore the pain and not to concentrate on her growling stomach. The other, blonde girl chuckled and placed her plastic dish in Oliva´s hands.

"Hurley gave me two, I couldn´t finish it anyway. Here, take it." She offered. Liv wanted to deny it again, but the girl was persistent.

"Thanks." Liv mumbled as she dug into what was left of some rice and chicken. "I´m Liv."

"Claire." The Australian replied and fondly shook Liv´s hand.

"Nice to see a fellow Brit on this bloody island." Charlie smiled, noticing that Liv had a very standard British accent.

"Oh I´m not…I´m not British…well, actually I am but only half. My father´s from the UK. But I´ve lived in Austria sice I was 6." Live explained, her mouth full with food.

"Where´s that." Hugo, who´s nickname was Hurley, as Liv learned earlier, asked, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

"Our plane boarded there, stupid." Charlie whispered and made both women laugh and shake their head.

"Not Australia. Austria. It´s a small country in the middle of Europe. Right above Italy and below Germany. But no one really knows us…I mean Europeans normally do but.." Olivia giggled, because Charlie was European but maybe he didn´t understand her properly, who knows. Hurley wanted to know, what language Austrians would speak and just as Liv wanted to answer him a loud, shrieking noise came from the forest. Everybody on the shore got quiet and watched in fear as 100 feet tall trees were ripped from the ground as though it was nothing.

"That was weird right?" Charlie thought out loud as he stood up and joined the crowd that formed in front of the forest.

"Did anybody see that?" Claire asked into the crowd as another tree seemed to just disappear. Fear ran down Liv´s spine as she watched how trees closer to them got ripped out and the sound got louder. She wanted to join them but couldn´t move the wheelchair in the sand by herself. Hurley noticed her struggle and came to help her and push her to the others.

"Yeah…" Hurley replied unsure if he had wanted to see that, but also not being able to look away. Jack and Kate joined them upfront, breathing heavily from what Liv identified as fear. Just a few moments later the noise ended and everyone looked around, afraid of what it might have been.

"Terrific." Charlie suddenly broke the silence of the crowd and Olivia looked at him. Her eyes then wandered around the crowd, trying to guess how many survivors there were. But there was one person she couldn´t find. Sawyer.

Olivia could barley close her eyes that night, wondering what that noise in the forest could have come from. She was restless, moved a lot in the sand which was warmed by the fire which was only a few feet away from her. The next morning came sooner than she thought and she was one of the firsts to be awake. The swelling on her foot had gone back but the pain was still there, even if not as much. A shallow growl from Olivia´s stomach signalized that she was ready for breakfast, but she had other worries. She needed to find her backpack. Ambition drove through her when she saw a black one that seemed to be hers. She placed one hand on a piece of the wreckage behind her and tried to push herself to stand. Slowly, very carefully, she put some weight on her left foot and even though it hurt she could walk. Her heart pumped faster the closer she got to the backpack. Liv threw herself to the ground next to it and ripped it open, but to her shock she didn´t find anything that belonged to her. It wasn´t hers. Tears built up in her green-ish eyes and she couldn´t stop one from rolling down her cheek.

"What are you doing up so early?" she suddenly heard a familiar voice next to her and looked up to face Kate who smiled at her friendly.

"Could ask you the same." Liv scoffed and took Kate´s hand, which she offered for help, to stand up again.

"Jack and I want to go in there. To the forest. Look for the cockpit and if it has a transceiver or something." Kate explained as she supported Liv back to her original place.

"Can I come with you?" Olivia knew it was going to be a no but she still tried. However, Kate just scoffed pointing at the younger girl´s foot and shook her head.

"Sorry but…"

"Yeah I know." Liv mumbled under her breath as Kate let her down into the wheelchair. "I just feel so useless…I can´t walk on my own, can´t help with any medical things, damn it I can´t even find my own stuff."

"I know….hey! Hey Claire!" Kate suddenly waved the pregnant blonde to them. "What are your plans for today?"  
"Um…I wanted to sort out some of the luggage and see what belongs to whom and what we could use. Jack asked me to sort out all the medicine I can find." Claire answered having one hand on her belly and one on her back, which clearly bothered her. Kate looked back to Liv with a bright smile and then to Claire again.

"You mind if Liv joins you?" she asked and the brunette who was sitting in the wheelchair again rolled her eyes. But the minute she realized that that was her chance to find her backpack before anybody else did her face lit up again and Claire nodded happily. So Kate left them to join Jack, who was talking to a group which consisted of Charlie, Hurley, Sayid and a pair which Liv first thought were a couple but by the fighting and bickering then defined as siblings.

* * *

"So why were you going to LA?" Claire asked as she and Liv folded clothes they found in some suitcases.

"Um…I guess I needed a change of scenery…you?" Olivia wasn´t really interested in talking about her personal life and just wanted to find her stuff.

"I was going to meet its parents." Claire rubbed her belly once more and caused Liv to look up surprised. "Oh…yeah I mean…I´m not really ready to be a mom yet."

"Yeah, no I get it…Wouldn´t be ready myself." The teenager looked down at the beauty case she just pulled out of a suitcase and smiled shyly.

"Obviously…I mean you must be what 19?" Claire giggled and reached to the water bottle to take a sip.

"Actually I´m 17." Liv admitted and made the Australian almost choke on her water. "I know" she giggled. "People always assume I´m older. I guess I´ve just been through a lot for my age and it shows."

"Like what?" Claire continued folding clothes and Olivia immediately regretted starting that topic. She was more than happy when another blonde, probably in her early twenties came up to them looking mad as hell, followed by a guy not much older, with piercing blue eyes.

"Shannon, please stop!" he shouted after her but she continued walking until she stood right in front of Claire and Liv.

"Have you seen my stupid brother´s things?" she asked in a very arrogant way and Liv hated being talked to like that.

"How would I know?" she replied sassy and with an eye-roll. Shannon turned to the man and crossed her arms over her chest.

"See? Told you they didn´t have it. Now let´s go!" she passed him, walking straight back to where they came from, but the man just shook his head shouting her name again.

"No Boone! I don´t care. Let´s go." She yelled back. Claire and Liv looked at each other, wondering what the two of them were fighting about. The brunette man sighed and looked back at the women sitting on the ground.

"If you find a pink bag in a black suitcase. That´s hers." He told them before leaving and running after his sister.

"Well, that wasn´t weird at all." Olivia scoffed and so did Claire. "My brothers and I used to fight like that. Guess I´ll never do that again." Liv looked down to her hands fighting the tears that came up by the idea, that she would never see them again.

"Hey…We´re gonna be rescued, alright? You´ll see your family soon enough." Claire tried to comfort the younger woman, but what Liv wasn´t so sure if she would ever see her family again.

"This kinda looks cute." Liv changed the subject by holding up a floral dress and tilting her head to Claire.

"Wish it´d fit." She looked down at her very pregnant belly and both women started laughing. "But you´d look great in it. Come on try it on!" the blonde tried to convince her but Olivia was reluctant. "Oh, come on…you can´t deny a pregnant woman´s wish, can you now?" she joked and Liv scoffed. She was glad she found someone who she could talk to and joke around as if they have been best friends for years.

"Alright." The brunette scoffed and stood up. She quickly looked around if no one was watching and then put off her tee shirt and slipped into the short dress. Once it was on, she unbuttoned the jeans she still had on underneath and got rid of them too. Liv turned a few times so Claire could see it properly. It had thin straps and a sweetheart neckline, was tight at her torso and flowy from her waist down to her knees. She liked how it looked on her and how it brought out her features, like her thin waist and her nice chest.

"Well, well, well." She suddenly heard a familiar voice behind her and turned around in shock, just to face Sawyer who scanned her up and down with a dirty smirk on his mouth. "Look who we have here." They locked eyes and Liv just awkwardly ran her hand through her hair and smiled. She blushed at the sight of Sawyer enjoying the view and his dimples appearing again, when Claire suddenly cleared her throat and interrupted them.

"You need anything?" she asked Sawyer, not nearly close to as happy to see him as Liv was and he looked down to the woman still sitting.

"Nope. Just needed some wood." He held up long sticks, which Liv suspected to be for his tent, and noticed that he wasn´t welcomed by Claire. "I better get going." He whispered to Liv who was still smiling like a love-struck 13-year old. Sawyer looked her up and down once again before giving her a wink and leaving the scene.

"You like him." Claire whispered when Liv sat down again.

"What? No I don´t!" the young brunette lied and blushed at Claire´s assumptions.

"Yes you do! Don´t you think I can see your rosy cheeks? And, I think he likes you too." the girl laughed pointing at Liv´s face, which also had a big smile on it.

"Stop it. We need to continue this. Also, he´s like what? Double my age?" Liv really felt uncomfortable that Claire noticed her behavior but she also wanted to talk about her suspicion that Sawyer seemed to be fond of her.

* * *

Jack, Kate and Charlie returned from their mission, clearly shaken up by whatever they saw in the forest. All they wanted to do was to find somebody who could fix the transceiver they found and rest. However, as soon as they reached the beach, they noticed Sawyer and Sayid physically fighting, throwing punches and sand. A black man named Michael tried to sort everything by talking but they just ignored him and pushed each other around. Sawyer just threw himself onto Sayid when Jack ran to them to pull them apart.

"Hey! Break up!" he yelled pulling Sawyer away while Michael tried to hold back Sayid. "Break it off!"

"Son of a bitch!" Jack heard Sawyer, not sure who he meant but also not caring. Sayid didn´t want to let go and held onto Sawyer´s jeans while Michael did his best to pull him away. People stood around and watched in shock how they wouldn´t stop swearing and kicking each other until Jack and Michael finally managed to get them apart.

"Tell everyone what you told me, tell them that I crashed the plane!" Sayid yelled, trying to get away from Mike who was holding him steadily. "Go on! "

"If the shoe fits, buddy." Sawyer shouted, his voice already soar from all the grunting and yelling.

"What is going on?" Jack didn´t understand a word as they were yelling and shouting at once. "What´s going on!"

"Look, my kid found these in the jungle." Michael handed Jack some handcuffs, which his son Walt found. Kate looked at them, a cold shower running down her spine as Jack examined them carefully.

"And this guy was sitting in back row of business class the whole flight, never once got up." Sawyer started again, walking around, flooded with anger. "His hands folded underneath a blanket. And for some reason…" he started as if it was a speech. "Just pointing this out – the guy next to him didn´t make it." Sayid shook his head, unable to believe what was coming out of that Redneck´s mouth, while Michael tried to calm him down by talking and keep them away from each other.

"Thank you so much for observing my behavior." Sayid´s voice was trembling from anger but he replied sarcastically.

"You don´t think I saw ´em pulling you out of line before we boarded?" Sawyer replied, eyebrows furrowed and voice hoarse. Sayid had enough of his suspicions and wanted to get at it again, but this time Jack and Michael were faster and could hold them back while they were screaming and calling each other names.

"Jack! Jack!" they suddenly heard Claire´s voice and everyone turned to see the pregnant woman running down to them as good as she could. Jack, distinctively thinking something was with her baby, ran to her, hands reached out.

"We found a transceiver, but it´s not working." Kate told the remaining. "Can anybody help?" People were distracted by what Claire was saying to Jack or by the way Sawyer looked at Sayid.

"Yes." Sayid suddenly broke the silence nodding, breathing heavily. "I might be able to." Sawyer threw his hands in the air and scoffed.

"Great! Perfect! Let´s trust this guy."

"Hey!" Hurley suddenly spoke up. "We´re all in this together man. Let´s treat each other with a little respect."

"Shut up Lardo!" Sawyer snapped back and the other survivors gasped, feeling that he overstepped a line.

"Hey!" Jack suddenly returned, Claire still standing where they were talking just moments ago. "Give it a break."

"Whatever you say doc!" Sawyer exhaled heavily, still being out of breath from the fight, and Jack turned to Kate.

"You good here? I need to go check on Liv. Claire said something´s wrong." He asked and Kate nodded, before Jack and Claire ran to where she came from. They were so concentrated on getting there in time, they didn´t even notice somebody else was following them. Jack stopped at their destination, a pile of clothes and suitcases and an unconscious Liv in between them.

"Son of a.." Jack turned around and saw Sawyer standing behind them. He rolled his eyes and went to Liv to check her pulse.

"Did she drink enough water? Did she eat anything?" he asked Claire who was close to crying because she was so overwhelmed.

"I didn´t see her drink but she ate a lot of fruits and some chocolate that we split." Claire stuttered and watched Sawyer sitting down in the sand next to Jack.

"We need to bring her to the shadow, give her some water and try to wake her up." Jack put Liv up, completely ignoring Sawyer who wanted to help and walking towards the little medical tent he had built the day before. Once they arrived there, he put her down and softly slapped her cheeks but couldn´t get more than a groan out of her. "Give me the bottle!" he ordered Claire who was carrying a bottle of water and handed it over. Jack put a bit into Liv´s mouth but all she did was swallowing it reluctantly. "Did you talk about anything that could have caused that? Any diseases?" the doctor turned to Claire who shook her head worried. While Jack and Claire went through what Liv had done that day, Sawyer kneeled next to her, afraid to touch and worsen anything, however, worried to the bone.

"Dia.." he suddenly heard Liv sigh, very quiet but she did. "Diab…"

"Hey Doc!" Sawyer waved Jack over, who wasn´t happy to see him so close to her but immediately went down to listen to what she was saying. "What does this mean?" Sawyer wondered, looking at Jack for answers but he just shook his head.

"Liv? Can you hear me? What is it you wanna say?" he asked and leaned down again.

"Diabet…" Liv cut off her sentence midway to grasp for air. But the neurosurgeon knew what she wanted to say. He stood up and turned to Claire again.

"I think she´s got Diabetes. Hyperglycemia, I guess, otherwise she would have shown more symptoms before passing out…You stay here, try to keep her awake, I think I´ve got some insulin in my tent. Claire…listen to me. Do not let her fall asleep. She could die if she falls asleep." Claire nodded scared as Jack headed to leave the tent but pulled her aside before actually leaving. "And watch Sawyer." He whispered so the blonde man by Liv´s side couldn´t hear him. "I don´t like him being near her after what he tried to do yesterday."

"Supposedly." Claire corrected Jack, being a bit fonder of Sawyer after seeing that Liv cared for him. Jack grunted and rolled his eyes, letting Claire go and heading to the group of other survivors to ask for anything useful.

"Hyperglycemic means a low blood sugar level, right?" Sawyer asked Claire who shrugged.

"I don´t know I´m not a doctor…I think so." She replied looking at the blonde man, wondering why he asked.

"So a coke should help right?" he asked again and Claire nodded slightly.

"I think so why?" She didn´t get an answer back. As soon as she finished her sentence Sawyer left the tent running. A few moments later he came back, a can of diet coke in his hand.

"I´ll hold her up you´ll give it to her." He ordered and handed Claire the can, who opened it without wasting another thought and holding it to Liv´s lips.

* * *

Kate saw Jack going through some small bags and cases by Sawyer´s tent and decided to approach him, by throwing a banana at him.

"Thought you might be hungry." She said when he turned around and looked at her eating one too. "Bet Sawyer won´t like to hear about you going through his stash."

"Sorry I don´t have time…" he continued his search for the lifesaving drugs and awoke Kate´s curiosity.

"How´s Liv? She good?" the woman asked when Jack held up a black diabetes kit, which had everything in it starting with a blood sugar meter to insulin shots. He stood up and walked past her when she suddenly grabbed his arm and made him stop. "Jack!"

"No…No she´s not good. She´s diabetic and she needs this insulin or she´ll die." He looked her in the eyes sternly before running of to the medical tent. Kate let the banana she was eating fall in shock and followed him without wasting another doubt.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jack asked, his breathing irregularly, his pulse racing and not getting any slower by the sight of Sawyer holding Liv and Claire carefully giving her the drink.

"What does it look like, man? We´re helping." Sawyer hissed back, annoyed by the doctor always doubting him. But Jack just stamped to them and ripped away the can and took a closer look.

"This could kill her, _man_! She´s hyperglycemic, her blood sugar is way too high. She needs insulin, besides that´s diet coke! It would have helped nothing_, _this is sugarfree. Look the label even says it in big fat red letters." Jack pointed at the can and Claire looked back at Sawyer who sighed, angry with himself that he didn´t take a closer look before doing something and Jack could be the hero again. Jack took ten units of insulin and took a sigh of hesitation before pulling her dress up and injecting the insulin into her belly.

"Now what?" Kate asked, her lip trembling by how serious this situation was. Claire looked at Liv, holding her belly in a tight grip, whilst Sawyer watched from afar not less worried than the others.

"Now we wait."


	3. Tabula rasa

It took quite some time until Liv gained back her consciousness. She looked around, her vision blurry and her mouth dry. Only Jack and Kate were left and stood a few feet away, talking.

"Why do you care so much about him?" she heard Jack´s voice and could tell he wanted answers.

"I don´t. I just want to know if he´ll die or live." Kate replied, clearly upset with Jack asking too many questions. Liv´s head was pounding and her throat craved water really badly. She tried to sit up but was too weak to move, so she coughed a little to gain the pairs attention. Jack and Kate stopped their discussion and turned to her in surprise.

"How do you feel?" he asked handing her a bottle of water and she emptied it at once. She saw Jack taking the blood sugar meter out of the kit and taking her index finger. "This is going to sting a little." He meant before piercing her finger and taking a drop of her blood.

"My kit…you found my backpack?" Liv realized in a hoarse voice trying to sit up again, supporting herself on her elbows.

"Your level´s okay for now…I asked you for diseases yesterday, why didn´t you tell me." Jack didn´t answer her question and put the meter away.

"It´s not something I brag about-"

"You could have died." Jack cut Liv off looking at her sternly which made her feel as if she was talking to her father.

"So what?" she replied after a few seconds. "It´s not like we´re going to get rescued anyway." She looked at her kit which Jack was packing into his backpack, while he looked back at Kate who looked down on her feet.

"You should get some rest. I´m gonna take the kit with me and check on you every few hours. Next time you have an attack you tell me beforehand alright?" he wanted her to promise but his serious demeaner made her want to rebel, although, she knew she wouldn´t stand a chance. "How´s your ankle?" Jack lifted her foot up and started touching it on different spots.

"It still hurts." Liv hissed and pointed on points where she felt the pain. "But I can put my weight on it, so that's good."

"Just don´t overwork it. Try to elevate it and get some rest." Jack put her foot down on a pile of blankets and stood up, turning to Kate but Liv stopped them before they could leave.

"Jack! Do you have my backpack?" she wanted to know, her voice hoarse but serious. Jack looked at Kate and then back at Liv with a deep sigh.

"Sawyer does."

* * *

Liv watched what was happening on the beach very closely and when she saw that Sawyer left together with Kate, Sayid, Boone, Shannon and Charlie, she took her chance and walked to the tent she knew belonged to the Southerner. Anxiously, she kneeled down and went through the differently colored briefcases and bags, trying to find her backpack. After minutes of searching she finally got it in her hands and ripped it open in stress. Clothes and toiletries spilled out but not what she was looking for.

"Damn it!" she cursed throwing it into the sand and covering her face with her hands, letting out an angry sigh.

"Um…you need help?" she suddenly noticed Hurley towering over her, his hands full with cloths and his eyes wondering.

"No…no..I um…I just didn´t find what I was looking for." Liv denied and got up to clean up the mess she´s made.

"Okay erm…if you need anything I´m with Jack…he needs me with the guy with the shrapnel." He gave her a comforting smile which she replied, folding the shirts she threw into the sand a minute before. Once Hurley left her, she sat back again, feeling more lost than ever. After a few moments of self-pity, Liv packed her things into her backpack again and wandered down to the fireplace, where some men were already piling up wood for when it would get dark again.

"Hey!" Claire sat down next to Liv on a piece of the fuselage pointing at the backpack. "I see you´ve found your stuff."

"Yeah, yeah I did." Liv faked a smile, nodding it off. Claire asked her how she felt, obviously still worried about what happened earlier but Liv just waved it off and explained that she´s lived with diabetes for many years already. The two women stared at the other survivors for some time until Liv broke the silence.

"Hey do you know where Sawyer, Kate and the others went? It´s gonna be dark soon and they haven´t returned yet." She asked feeling some type of way about them going into the scary forest. But Claire just shrugged and told her she didn´t even know they had left. A soft growl from both their stomachs made the women giggle and change the subject.

"Tomorrow must be a Friday, right?" Liv thought out loud and after doing some counting in her head, Claire nodded.

"Why?" she wondered looking at Liv who scoffed, throwing little pieces of wood into the fireplace that was about to be lit.

"It´s my birthday tomorrow. September 24th? I´m turning 18 tomorrow." She mumbled, feeling sadness coming over her as she thought about celebrating her 18th birthday on that island.

"Did you have anything planned for your birthday? Was there a party waiting in LA?" Claire asked, noticing that the younger woman´s eyes welled up. Liv shook her head, pulling her knees closer to her body and resting her head atop of them. "Well, we could throw you a party." Claire suggested and Liv´s head quickly whipped to her.

"No! Please don´t! That´s just embarrassing." She giggled and fought off any argument Claire threw at her. The women were laughing uncontrollably when Jack suddenly came down to them, holding out the blood sugar meter. Liv´s laugh disappeared as she took the device and measured her blood sugar. It showed her level was a bit low, probably because she hadn´t eaten much and Jack handed her a banana.

"You need some carbs. Complex carbs would be best." He meant looking around while packing the meter into the kit and the kit into his backpack again.

"Hey if you find me a grain field, I´ll make bread myself." Liv joked and a small smile appeared on Jack´s lips.

"Eat the banana. I´ll talk to Hurley and if he finds anything fitting, he should store it for you. You´ve got any glucose in your backpack?" Jack asked pointing at the black bag in front of the girl and she nodded taking out a small pack of glucose tablets. "That´ll not be enough for a long time but we´ll see what we can do." Jack threw his backpack onto his shoulders, wanting to leave them as Claire stopped him and went with him, which Liv thought was probably because of the baby.

* * *

The night went by pretty fast and Liv woke up by the sound of people forming a crowd. She looked up and noticed that Sawyer was walking over to his tent, which meant that they had returned. Just then she realized Sayid was talking about the transceiver he got from Kate the day before. Liv quickly got to her feet and joined the rest of the people listening to Sayid, but something about the faces of the others told her that they were hiding something. She knew she wouldn´t get much out of Kate or Sayid, Charlie and Shannon looked as if they had seen a ghost and Boone seemed too occupied with worrying about his step sister. Last man standing was Sawyer. After Sayid finished his speech about splitting into groups to maintain water, food and electronics she walked towards Sawyer´s tent. The blond man was sitting on a plane seat reading something when Liv suddenly stood in front of him.

"You´re blocking the sun kid." He meant, puffing a cigarette, not looking up from what he was reading, which Liv didn´t pay any attention to.

"Do you ever stop with that silly nickname?" she scoffed kneeling down, still in front of him. "What happened out there? There must be something going on." Sawyer closed the book, putting the cigarette out of his mouth, now looking at her.

"That´s what you really wanna know right?" he smirked and Liv tilted her head, putting on her best begging face. "Met a polar bear. And shot it."

"A polar bear?" Liv rolled her eyes scoffing and leaned back a bit. "Right, and who brought it here? Santa Clause?" she mocked Sawyer, who clearly wasn´t happy about that.

"You don´t believe me, fine. Go look for yourself. Pretty sure it´s still lying there." He hissed at her picking up the book again and now Liv saw it and immediately recognized it.

"What are you reading there?" she asked seriously, eyes fixated on the cover as she stood up and blocked the sun again.

"A diary. Pretty juicy things in there." Sawyer grinned at her, whilst Liv had a stern look on.

"Give it to me!" she demanded holding out a hand, but all she got in return was Sawyer scoffing and standing up, being way taller than she was.

"And why would I? This yours?" he smiled holding it out of her reach, which made her even more furious.

"No! But it´s not right to read a diary that doesn´t belong to you." She jumped up to get it but didn´t succeed. Instead the landing just hurt her ankle. Liv exhaled loudly through her nose, partly angry and partly in pain as she walked away as soundly as possible in the sand.

* * *

Liv decided to build a tent to distract herself from Sawyer reading that diary and also because she had enough of sleeping on the sand without having any shelter. She grabbed some plastic sheets and sticks, some blankets and empty suitcases, basically anything that she thought might come in handy. She just built up the base when somebody tapped her on her shoulder. The brunette turned around, just to face Claire, Charlie, Hurley and a few other people smiling at her and screaming `Happy Birthday!´.

"You guys…I told you I don´t want anything done for my birthday." She turned to Claire who hugged her as good as she could.

"You really thought we wouldn´t celebrate your 18th birthday?" Charlie smiled as he hugged her too.

"Well, we´ve been here only for a day…is that an Apollo bar?" Liv suddenly noticed Hurley holding the chocolate bar towards her direction with a grin on his face.

"It´s the last one and we decided to give it to you…Unless you can´t eat it because of your diabetes." Hurley whispered the second part of his sentenced and Liv gave him a soft smile.

"I can eat it and it´s really nice of you. All of you. Thanks a lot." She smiled to the group of strangers standing around her as she took the bar. The crowed wished her a happy birthday once more before quickly dissolving and leaving just Claire and Liv back.

"So, um…how´s it feel?" Claire asked as Liv continued on her tent and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"What?" she asked curios not looking up from her work.

"Being an adult of course." Claire scoffed sitting down next to the tent and rubbing her belly.

"Not much different honestly." Liv giggled struggling with some sticks and eventually breaking one. "Bloody…" she exhaled sharply. Just as she wanted to throw it into the forest, she saw Kate rushing by them wiping her face which seemed as though she´d cried.

"Kate?" Claire asked standing up laboured. Liv held Claire back and gestured that she´d go after her since it seemed too dangerous for a pregnant woman to go into the scary forest. It took Liv a few minutes to find Kate who was pacing up and down, curse words leaving her mouth.

"Are you okay?" Liv startled her and Kate quickly wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face. Kate just nodded not bringing out a word. "You wanna talk about it?" Liv continued coming a bit closer and sitting down on a big branch. Kate shook her head strongly and slowed down her pace. "You know I´ve been through some shit and never talked about it…but maybe it would have been easier if I did."

"I really don´t have to take lessons from a child." Kate retorted angrily; her voice shaky but Liv tried to take no offence in that.

"I´m an adult." She simply replied but Kate ignored her. "So, I´m gonna sit here and wait for you to either talk or calm down, you get to decide which. But I won´t leave you in this forest which is freaking me out." Kate finally looked at Liv, gaze stern and face red and swollen. She gave her a soft smile and sat down next to her on the branch.

"The guy with the shrapnel is an US Marshal." Kate mumbled and Liv listened. "He´ll probably die soon." Liv swallowed, feeling immense pain in her chest just thinking about the possibility of dying on this island. But she also noticed Kate wasn´t completely opening up so she decided to share a story so she could relate to her.

"I flew to Australia all by myself. I ran away from home. No one knows where I am, I didn´t even leave a note. I thought I could start over in Sydney but then I realized that the only place where I could become someone new was America. So I got on Oceanic Flight 815 and crashed on this island. Where no one could ever find me." Liv shared a bit of her story but Kate still didn´t open up. Instead she asked Liv, why she´d ran away. "It´s complicated."

"Were you happier after you ran away?" Kate wondered locking eyes with Liv.

"Were you?" Liv replied and Kate looked at her shocked. "I may not be on the run for long but I know someone who´s running from something when I see them. What is it Kate?"

"The Marshal…the handcuffs belonged to him." Kate admitted and Liv nodded already thinking so. "I was his prisoner."

* * *

The next hours went by rather quickly. Kate and Liv promised each other not to tell anyone about their conversation and part ways. Olivia had finished her tent and joined Claire by the fireplace. The people were uneasy because painful groans and scream came from the medical tent where the Marshal was stationed.

"That sounds so awful." Claire flinched at every scream that came from there and held her belly even tighter. Liv just tried to think about something else and stared into the fire. "I wish it´d stop. Or at least that somebody told us what was going on." She heard Claire saying.

"You know what I´m gonna go to Jack. Check on my blood sugar and I´ll tell you when I come back all right?" Liv smiled at her newfound friend who nodded agreeing. The brunette stood up and walked towards the medical tent, the groans getting louder with each step. She saw a small fire burning not too far away but no one sitting by it. Jack was standing outside of the tent staring into the night and Liv joined him.

"Hey…I´m here for my check-up doc. Should I sit down in the waiting area and wait to be called?" she joked and caused a light scoff coming from Jack.

"I´ve got your kit in the tent so we´ll just wait a few more minutes and then we can check your blood sugar." Jack pointed to the tent he was turning his back to.

"Why wait?" the girl asked when Hurley joined them.

"Where´s your fugitive- oh shoot didn´t see you standing there." He quickly cut off his own sentence once he noticed Liv standing by Jack. The European girl told them she knew about Kate and although they were surprised she told her, they didn´t ask any further.

"In the tent." Jack nodded towards it and Hurley´s eyes widened.

"You let her in there alone?" he tried to sound calm, but looked back anxiously, which caused confusion with Jack and Liv.

"What´s she gonna do?" Jack shrugged carelessly. "She´s 120 pounds soaking wet-"

"Yeah but she´s got that gun." Hurley interrupted him and Liv and Jack turned to him in shock.

"What?" Jack switched gaze between them and ran to the tent, Liv remaining where she was, frozen in fear. Jack stopped a few feet away from the tent when he saw Kate exiting it on the other side, a guilty look on her face. "Kate?" he asked and only a few seconds later a shot escaped the tent. Liv let out a scream as she, as well as all the others, shrugged at the noise. Confusion spread over the area by the tent and Jack looked back and forth between Liv and Kate when he heard another pair of footsteps leaving the tent. Even though it was dark they immediately recognized that it was Sawyer. Anger filled Jack´s body as he ran towards the taller man and confronted him with what he did.

"What you couldn´t." Sawyer exclaimed, the guilty look on his face quickly turning into angry, which sent shivers down Liv´s spine. "Look, I get where you´re coming from being a doctor and all. But he wanted it. Hell, he asked me." Jack was now getting in Sawyer´s face and Liv could swear she heard Sawyer´s voice shaking as though he had a lump in his throat. "So I don´t like it any more than you do." The Southerner stated as Jack walked towards the tent, his breathing uncontrollably furious. Liv just looked back and forth between them not sure what to do, while Hurley was as if frozen. "Something had to be done." The men stared at each other before a horrible cough came from the tent which caused Liv to gasp for air. Sawyer´s eyes widened, a cold shiver running down his spine.

"Uh no way." Hurley seemed as if he would fall over any second. "Guys." Jack stormed into the tent and soon after Sawyer entered too. Liv couldn´t help but walk towards them, hearing Jack yelling even before entering.

"You shot him in the chest?" Jack´s voice ringed in Liv´s ears as she opened the flap of fabric to look inside and winced quietly at the sight of the wound in the Marshal´s chest.

"I was aiming for the heart." Sawyer, who was blocking a bit of her view, meant shocked and even more anxious than before. Jack pressed gauze and cloth on top of the wound to control the bleeding looking around.

"You perforated his lung. It´ll take hours for him to bleed out." Jack realized at the sound of the man suffocating and Sawyer´s hand began to tremble.

"I only had one bullet." He admitted and Jack furrowed his eyebrows.

"Get out!" He yelled angrily and Sawyer rushed past Liv not paying much attention to her, but revealing her to Jack, who aimlessly tried to stop the bleeding.

"Jack…" Liv kneeled down beside him, a tear rolling down her face as he looked her in the eyes both realizing they had to kill him. Jack was visibly fighting with himself and Liv decided to take charge and took a large piece of cloth, rolling it into a ball.

"No…I can´t let you do this." He stopped her hand shortly before she could put it into the man´s mouth.

"You can´t do it either. People need to trust you." She took his hand and stuffed the cloth into the Marshal´s mouth, holding his nose as well, and keeping Jack´s and her hand on his face. Tears streamed down both their faces as the patient twitched while suffocating until it grew very quiet. Liv let out a sob as she removed her hands and Jack looked down at his which were full with the man´s blood. "Now we don´t know who killed him." She stood up and left the tent looking at Sawyer, who´s eyes seemed to be wetter than usually. He looked her up and down, blood prints all over the floral dress she still wore from when she sorted through the luggage with Claire. Not quickly after Jack left breathing heavily and walking past the other man not gracing him with one look. Liv stared at Sawyer before looking down at her bloody hands and walking away towards the ocean to clean herself.

Some minutes had passed and Liv decided not to join the rest of the survivors by the big signal-fires but rather sit alone by the little fire she saw earlier. Once she arrived there, she noticed a shadow of a man sitting not too far away from it.

"You´re sitting in my spot." She joked as she stopped right behind Sawyer. His eyes flared up to her but he didn´t move, so she sat down next to him. "I couldn´t have done what you did. Relieving him from his pain." She lied to make him feel better.

"Yeah, well I didn´t do a good job with it, did I?" he retorted and took a sip of a plane-sized vodka bottle, which Liv had just now noticed.

"You still tried. I couldn´t have pulled the trigger." Liv suggested, giving him a soft nudge on his shoulder.

"You never wanted to kill anyone so badly?" Sawyer asked but Liv kept quiet. "You just have to imagine the person you kill is this someone." They both stared into the night. It was a lot darker than in civilization of course without any street lanterns or buildings. The only source they got light from were the stars and the moon and the fire which grew smaller by the minute. Suddenly Sawyer reached into the bag he had with him and pulled out two of those vodka bottles, of which he handed one to Liv.

"I told you on the plane I don´t drink." Liv giggled, taking it nonetheless.

"We´re gonna play a game called I never…you know it?" Sawyer smiled opening his bottle and Liv nodded. She remembered playing that game with her friends countless times and liked it so she opened her bottle as well, which surprised Sawyer, but in a good way. He pointed at her as he wanted her to start and she thought about it for a second.

"I never…have been to America." She laughed as Sawyer shook his head taking a sip.

"That´s unfair." He acted mad but didn´t lose his smirk. "Okay…I never kissed a man." He had a dirty smirk on his lips as he watched her take a sip.

"I never have been in a serious relationship." She thought with him being thirty something he might as well have been in a long-term relationship but Sawyer didn´t move a muscle.

"I never caused a heartbreak." Sawyer stared at Liv who was hesitant. However, she eventually emptied her bottle and watched as Sawyer did too. She wanted to ask him about it but as he took out new bottles she decided not to.

"I never committed a crime…" she mumbled, removing the cap from her bottle unsure if she should count the killing of the Marshal as a crime. "Outside this island." She eventually added. Sawyer shook his head and scoffed.

"You´re really digging deep." He meant swallowing the burning liquid. "Never has a crime been committed to me." They locked eyes and something in her expression changed. She quickly looked down to the ground and then back right in his eyes. They both held the bottle to their lips almost in sync and emptied it at once.

"You wanna share your story?" Sawyer asked putting the cap back onto the bottle looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"I don´t have a story to share." Liv looked away from him as she quickly stood up and brushed the sand off her clothes.

"Wait!" Sawyer stopped her as she wanted to walk away. He stood up and came closer pulling something out of the bag – the diary. "Happy birthday." Liv didn´t know what she was more surprised about. The fact that he wanted to give it back to her or that he noticed it was her birthday and cared enough to congratulate her.

"What difference does it make now? You´ve probably read it all through already." She meant in a serious tone but her voice was shaking from what seemed to be either anger or sadness.

"I didn´t." Sawyer swore. "I stopped after you told me to. Do you want it or not?" he came even closer, stopping only a foot away from her, pressing the diary into her hands. "Give it to the person it belongs to." They locked eyes, hearing nothing but the sound of the sea and their own breathing, feeling a soft breeze running through their hair. The tension between them was intense, but hot. Liv wanted nothing more than to fall in his arms and thank him for giving the diary back to her, but she was able to restrain herself from doing so.

"Thank you." She whispered, not breaking the eye contact as she left, until she was a few feet away and turned to walk to her tent.


	4. Walkabout

Liv rolled around in the sand restlessly. She had bad dreams about killing the Marshal and his painful expression wouldn´t leave her mind. Dreams about how he would avenge her act by coming back and torture and kill her. Soft groans came from her tent and her face was covered in sweat when Claire suddenly woke her up.

"Liv, come on wake up." She urged her friend who shut her eyes open in horror. Liv was so deeply in her dreams, she didn´t notice the Labrador Vincent was barking and scary sounds were coming from the fuselage.

"What´s going on?" Liv asked groggily as she sat up and looked outside of her tent.

"I don´t know." Claire replied also watching a group forming in front of the fuselage. "Come on we should go there." The women stood up and joined the rest. Liv went a bit further to get a closer look when she suddenly felt someone grabbing her wrist. She looked up, directly into Sawyer´s face who looked more concerned than she has ever seen him.

"First row is no place for you." He mumbled and Liv pulled her arm away, looking at him offended.

"How would you know?" she hissed and attempted to make a step forward when he passed her and covered her sight. Liv let out an angry scoff as she tried to look past him but failed.

"What is it?" Liv suddenly heard Kate´s voice and noticed her standing next to Jack just a bit away from her. Liv looked around at startled faces and noticed Claire who stood a few rows behind on the other side, saying that somebody was in there.

"Everyone in there is dead." Sayid stated and a cold shiver ran down Liv´s spine thinking about her dreams of the Marshal.

"Sawyer." Jack exhaled angrily, clearly still pissed at what the Southerner did the evening before.

"Right behind you…Jackass." Sawyer answered and some people turned to him. Liv had to conceal the light giggle coming from her at the nickname Sawyer gave Jack. The doctor took out a small flashlight and walked towards the fuselage where the strange noises were coming from. Sawyer followed and with him Kate. Liv didn´t care about what Sawyer thought was good for her or not and joined the three of them. Quietly they were examining the fuselage as far as the little flashlight of Jack could enlighten it. Charlie, who had his sleeping place very close to the wreckage also joined them but stayed in the back with Liv and she could swear she saw him trembling a bit.

"It´s probably nothing." She whispered to his comfort, although she wasn´t sure if she wasn´t just trying to comfort herself. The tension intensified as soon as they entered the fuselage and the murmuring of the crowd behind them got quieter with each step. Liv saw some shadows but couldn´t make out what it was. Sawyer had a very big flashlight with him, which was a whole lot brighter, but Jack pulled his hand down, gesturing him to turn it off. Liv swallowed when she saw a corpse hanging from a plane seat in the distance. The five of them stopped and stared at the spot where they suspected the culprit to be.

"I´m gonna shed some light on this thing." Sawyer meant carelessly and held his flashlight up. What they got to see was a pair of glowing eyes staring at them with a shocked grunt.

"Run!" Jack yelled and the group got into motion quickly exiting the fuselage followed by something galloping. As they left the fuselage in a hurry, the other survivors were running away too, probably even more scared than the group of five. Liv looked back for a moment to check the situation and tripped over something, causing her to land in the sand with a painful grunt.

"Stand up." She heard Sawyer´s voice behind her and before she could fully acknowledge the situation, he picked her up and carried her bridal style until it seemed to be safe and threw himself and with it her, behind a part of the wreckage where Kate was hiding as well. They watched as three pig-like animals seemed to run into the forest and they were so focused, Liv didn´t even notice Sawyer´s arm was still lingering on her waist. The screams of the people and the grunts of the animals grew quiet and they were beginning to ask what they had just witnessed.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Charlie came out of his hide-out looking very anxious but no one really seemed relaxed.

"Boars." Suddenly a bald man, who Liv knew to be called John Locke, informed the survivors about their visitors.

"Son of a bitch." Sawyer cursed under his breath and Kate stood up and joined Jack who started a conversation with John. Liv was still out of breath, her mind imagining every possible way this could have ended if Sawyer hadn´t picked her up in time. She was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn´t notice that Sawyer already stood up and offered her his hand to help her up. Liv took it with a smile and as he pulled her up, she got to a halt very close by his body, even closer than the day before. They locked eyes and a smirk appeared on his face, showing off the cute dimples he had.

"I…I should.." Liv stuttered, her hand still in his and her chest almost touching his torso. "I should probably go."

"Right. Get your beauty sleep." Sawyer mocked her and they let go of each other.

"I don´t think I can get much sleep after this." She admitted with a smile and took a step back. Sawyer´s grin grew bigger and he looked at her flirtatious.

"Well, I ain´t going to sleep either so if you need company…" he suggested but Liv just scoffed, biting on her lip.

"Good night Sawyer." She smiled before leaving for her tent.

* * *

This night went by pretty fast, as it was already quite early in the morning when Liv laid down again. The next day Jack announced they had to burn the fuselage so no more incidents like the night before would happen. Some people were outraged by the thought of burning the not so lucky passengers but Liv agreed. If they didn´t do it, diseases could spread and the boars wouldn´t stop coming. Also, a fire this big was their best chance to be found. She was just collecting some fire wood with other survivors when she heard Sawyer and Hurley fighting and spotted them tearing at a backpack.

"Not again." She thought out loud, walking towards them before a crowd could form.

"Hand it over!" Hurley demanded and tried to catch the backpack, Sawyer was holding out of his reach.

"How about no." Sawyer retorted and Hurley pushed him back. They were talking at once and Liv couldn´t make out what they were fighting about, but when Sawyer made fun of Hurley´s weight again she decided to cut them off.

"Hey guys, stop it!" she meant loudly but they ignored her, holding on and pushing each other in a circle.

"Guys knock it off." Boone came to Liv´s aid but the pair didn´t stop fighting over the bag.

"Stay out of this Metro!" Sawyer answered him in a very angry tone.

"Enough, Sawyer!" Liv´s voice was even louder now and as she noticed Jack was running towards them, she decided to go in between them herself. "Guys, let it be!" she tried to grab the backpack herself and pull it away from Sawyer but when she reached for it he accidentally slammed it in her face and she fell to the ground with a groan. Boone ran to her and kneeled down next to her as she touched her cheek and noticed blood on her fingers. In the meantime, Jack and Sayid pulled them apart and it turned out they were fighting over peanuts. Liv just rolled her eyes, annoyed by the men fighting over such nonsense. But then Hurley said they had already eaten all of the other food from the plane and that there was nothing left. The surrounded survivors gasped shocked and Boone, who was still sitting next to Liv looked down to the sand exhaling exhausted. Sayid tried to calm the people down whilst Jack examined the cut on Liv´s cheek.

"There are plenty of things on this island we can use for sustenance." Sayid stated but was cut off by Sawyer who had taken a seat on one of the plane seats.

"And exactly how are we gonna find `sustenance´?" he asked and it almost sounded as if he was mocking the Arab. But before anyone could answer him a knife was thrown directly into the seat next to Sawyer, only a few inches away from his face. Liv gasped and looked for the person who shot it. She noticed Locke standing next to a metal briefcase, acting as if he didn´t just almost kill Sawyer.

"We hunt." He stated and Sawyer looked at him, partly shocked and partly furious.

"How´d you get that knife on the plane?" Kate asked, unsure what to think of the mysterious man.

"Checked it." Locke shrugged and Jack, who pulled the knife out of the seat, gave it back to Locke.

"You either have very good aim…or very bad aim, Mister…" Jack meant, but stopped as he didn´t know his name.

"Locke." Michael meant serious.

"Okay Mister Locke. And what is it that we´re hunting?" Jack asked and everybody listened closely to what the man told and explained them about the boars that came to their camp the previous night.

"How does he know all this?" Liv wondered out loud, but the minute she said it, John opened the briefcase and showed that he had six more knives and Liv and Boone both stared at them, mouth´s wide opened.

"Who is this guy?" Hurley asked sounding worried and scared and Liv just nodded in agreement.

"Well, good news, you don´t need stitches." Jack and Liv were sitting in his medical tent and he was cleaning her wound with some alcohol, which made her hiss and curse in pain. "Bad news is, it will probably leave a small scar."

"Terrific." Liv rolled her eyes sighing, as Jack stuck a bit of gauze onto it with some tape to prevent dirt and bacteria from coming in. Jack gave her the blood sugar kit once he finished packing her wound and she started measuring immediately. As soon as the meter showed them her levels were normal, she handed the kit to Jack but he refused.

"Keep it. I´m sorry I distrusted you at first. Just promise me to take care of yourself and really check your level." Jack gave her a small smile which she replied gladly. She watched him in silence as he packed away the leftover gauzes and alcohol.

"So, how are you holding up?" Jack was clearly surprised by Liv´s question and asked her what she was talking about. "After yesterday….the Marshal. Just thought I´d check in."

"I´m good. It´s not the first patient I´ve lost." Jack tried to avoid talking about it, but Liv felt like he needed it.

"But it´s surely the first patient you deliberately killed." She added and he looked at her, expression hurt and serious at once.

"I thought we agreed that we don´t know who killed him?" he threw his backpack on his shoulders, which was Liv´s sign to also stand up and leave.

"Right. I just want you to know that you can talk to me." She stood in his way so he had to look at her and really listen. "We´re in this together."

"Sure." He scoffed and walked past her, making her unsure if he meant it or was sarcastic.

* * *

Liv took a walk across the beach. She knew in a few hours they would light up the fuselage and the very thought of it made her sick. Helping with collecting the wood and taking useful things like plane seats out of the wreckage were just making her feel sad and uncomfortable. While strolling around she spotted Hurley and Charlie in the ocean, smashing a large stick into the water.

"What are you guys doing?" she asked as she approached them, causing both to look up at her seemingly exhausted.

"Fishin´" Charlie answered with a bright faked smile and Hurley rolled his eyes.

"Don´t call me an expert but you are definitely not catching any fish that way." Liv giggled and the two men now looked at each other with confused eyes.

"The Asian guy does it that way too." Hurley then told Liv about how he saw the Korean man fishing the past few days.

"Yes but he´s silent while doing it." Liv explained and the men didn´t know what to reply and which relevance this had. "Fish can hear you. If you´re making a lot of noise they won´t come. That´s why fishing is so boring. Because you can´t talk. Also, you´re moving too much."

"You do it then if you´re so clever." Charlie threw the stick to Liv who just scoffed. She put her shoes off and went into the warm water, her shirt pulled up to a crop top, concentrating on the motion of the waves. Hurley and the Brit watched her closely as she smashed the stick into the water but pulled it out without any fish.

"Ha. Knew you couldn´t do it." Charlie mocked her but got a harsh "hush" back from the girl. She exhaled quietly and looked around her. In very slow motions she turned to a fish she noticed, quickly smashed the spear towards it and pulled it out successfully. The men were speechless and felt awkward for mocking her and not being able to do it themselves.

"There you go." Liv pressed the not moving fish into Charlie´s hands and gave the spear back to Hurley. "I´m not gonna gut it for you" she moved past them and picked up her shoes going back to the camp to change into something dry.

* * *

The rope where the survivors hanged their clothes on was close to Liv´s tent, so she didn´t bother walking to it in just her undies and the shirt which was still rolled up, revealing quite a lot of skin. She had just hanged her jeans onto it, when she noticed a crowd forming. However, with all the fights and disappointing news given, when crowds formed the past few days, Liv didn´t mind sitting this one out.

"Nice cut!" she looked up from her work, noticing Sawyer standing on the other side of the rope with a grin on his lips, pointing to her cheek. "Where did you get so wet?" he wondered with a dirty undertone and caused Liv to roll her eyes and scoff.

"I was fishing." Liv rolled her shirt down to its original state as she went to her tent to grab a new pair pants.

"Fishing?" Sawyer asked sarcastically, following her at once.

"Fishing." Liv held the pants in front of her body as she turned to the older man with a fake smile.

"And where´s the fish?" Sawyer looked around, still with the broad grin on his face.

"Gave it to Charlie." The girl shrugged, taking a dry shirt out of her backpack.

"Why´d you do that? We could have had a real fine dine." He mocked her, wondering why she would give up such substantial things like fish on a deserted island.

"Who said I´d share my catch of the day with you?" Liv stood up confident, now being the one that comes closer to the other one, a sassy smile on her lips.

"Well, so much for neighborly love." Sawyer acted mad, but Liv just raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Cause my tent´s right over there. Thought that´s why you chose to stay here." He meant full of himself.

"No, real estate over there was just too expensive." She replied sassy and with her hand motioning to another part of the beach, making both giggle at once. "Anyways, what´s fish compared to boar?"

"Didn´t you hear?" Sawyer asked, sitting down on a plane seat Liv had put next to her tent. "Hunting party came back unsuccessful."

"What?"

"And knife-throwing Mr. Clean didn´t come back at all. That thing in the forest apparently got him." Sawyer explained and Liv, who still hadn´t put on her dry clothes and just held them in her hand, gasped. "And because you gave your fish to the Brit, we ain´t having dinner tonight."

"Do you ever not think about yourself?" Liv chuckled hitting him with the shirt in her hand. But to her shock he had really fast reflexes and held onto the clothing. Sawyer stood up and pulled her closer, making her gasp while stepping forward.

"So you´re not gonna catch a fish for us?" Sawyer whispered flirtatious. The pair stood really close together, Liv could feel his breath on her skin and the petite woman had to lift her head up to look in the tall man´s eyes.

"Catch a fish yourself." She replied, her voice being sassy but also mad that he had been able to have her in his ban again.

"Fine." Sawyer let go of her and she immediately took a step back. "What´d you use?"

"A spear." The girl replied, flattening out the wrinkles Sawyer´s grip caused.

"Where´d you get a spear from?" he furrowed his eyebrows, wondering where the hell she had found such a thing.

"Hurley." Liv answered, waiting to change into dry clothes until Sawyer was gone. She might have had what other people call `the perfect 35-24-35 body´, but she still didn´t feel comfortable changing in front of a man for various reasons.

"Lardo?" Sawyer exhaled disappointed, causing the girl to roll her eyes in annoyance.

"Hurley. If you asked him nicely and stopped with that stupid nickname, he may borrow it to you." Liv suggested with a sarcastic undertone.

"He ain´t never giving it to me. Can´t you ask for me?" Sawyer surprisingly asked and this statement made Liv chuckle lightly.

"What?" she asked laughing, but Sawyer put on his best begging face, and she just couldn´t resist his cute dimples. "Fine. But you´re not gonna catch a fish anyway."

"What makes you say that?" the man meant surprised and huffy.

"Well, you don´t look seem like it." Liv scoffed looking him up and down.

"Fine. We´ll make a bet out of it. Whoever catches more fish in twenty minutes gets all fish." Sawyer suggested holding out his hand.

"Twenty minutes? Have you ever been fishing in your life?" Liv wondered shocked, seemingly knowing how hard it was to catch one fish in such a short amount of time.

"You scared?" Sawyer grinned brightly feeling victorious already.

"Thirty! And if I win, I get to choose something from your stash."

"That´s unfair!" Sawyer retorted pulling his hand away.

"You get to keep your fish, I just want to choose anything I like." Liv explained but Sawyer shook his head, denying her wish. "Fine. If I win I get your fish and can choose something from your stash and if you win you get my fish and I have to answer a question honestly."

"Deal." Sawyer held his hand out again and Liv shook it in agreement.

"Deal."

* * *

Sawyer and Liv were fifteen minutes into their competition and Liv just sat by a huge rock watching Sawyer attempt to spear up fish over and over again and failing cursing. They got a second spear from Jin, whom, although he didn´t understand them, Liv could talk into giving up one. Hurley offered to be the referee, but mostly because he wanted to see Sawyer lose miserably.

"You know you´ve only got fifteen minutes left. Don´t you want to start?" he informed Liv who chuckled watching Sawyer splash water around in frustration.

"I´ve got time." She replied, feeling like she had the win on her side already.

"Hey Kid!" Sawyer suddenly turned to her and walked straight forward. The closer he got, the more was revealed of his muscular body and the light boxers he wore. Liv obviously didn´t change into dry clothes and was still sitting there in her undies and the shirt. Her tanned legs where hanging off the rock and she smirked as Sawyer, covered in the salty sea water, came closer to her. "Don´t you want to start fishing?"

"Seeing as you´re doing everything you could wrong, I´m not really stressed out." She answered cocky. Hurley just watched their conversation, feeling uncomfortable by the hot tension between them.

"And what is it I´m doing wrong?" Sawyer wanted to know, obviously mad that he hadn´t been successful yet.

"You´re yelling curse words, moving a lot, stirring up the water…no wonder there´s no fish in sight." She chuckled, crossing her legs and for a second, she caught herself staring at his abs.

"You do it then, smartass. Show me how you do it in Europe." Sawyer almost hissed, that´s how mad he got at her mocking. Liv, however didn´t take any offense in that and took her spear slowly walking further into the ocean. Sawyer watched her, trying not to stare at her ass, which wasn´t covered up well by the cheeky hipsters the girl wore. Her hair was wavy and covered her sunburned shoulders. He watched her silently as she looked around the water very concentrated and then smashed her spear into the water, taking it out with a fish on it.

"Son of a bitch." Sawyer cursed also walking out there again, doing exactly as she did. Some minutes passed and as Hurley informed them, they had only five minutes left, Sawyer got nervous. He hated losing and he definitely wouldn´t lose to a naïve young adult. Liv looked around her, but she as well didn´t have any luck catching something. As Hurley counted down the last minute, Sawyer concentrated on the area surrounding him and just about ten second before the time ran out, he got two small fish at once.

"Time´s up." Hurley announced and Sawyer danced around victorious.

"You didn´t win. Look, at those fish. Combined they´re half the size of the one I caught." Liv protested but Sawyer shook his head.

"Course they are. Rules were, whoever caught more fish. Not which size." He reminded her and Liv walked back to Hurley as he was the referee.

"Hurley! He does not win! Those two fish are way to small to compare to what I caught. Tell him." She stated angrily, pointing at her fish which was lying next to Hugo on the rock.

"Oh no! Those are two separate fish. I win!" Sawyer shouted from a bit behind and Hurley, the good guy he was, didn´t want to stir up any drama.

"Guys can´t we just make it a tie?" he wondered getting shocked faces of the contestants as a reply.

"No!" they both answered at once.

"Listen! Those were two lives I took, therefore two fish. I win!" Sawyer explained and Liv looked at him with warning eyes.

"He´s got a point." Hurley then meant after a short pause and Liv´s head snapped right back to him. "He´s got two fish, you´ve got one. Sawyer wins." Suddenly the Southerner let out a loud triumphing shout as Liv exhaled loudly and angrily.

"Whatever." She said before walking away from them, back to her tent.

* * *

The night fell pretty soon and the survivors crowded around the burning fuselage for a memorial ceremony. Liv was exhausted and her ankle, which had gotten better, started bothering her again. She felt awful about not going to that memorial service, but her mind was just somewhere else. She was nipping at a banana, since her blood sugar level was down, watching the plane wreck burn from her plane seat afar. A melancholy feeling came up to when she used to go camping with her parents and brothers and was just carefree and happy. But then other details about her childhood came back to her mind. Other more unpleasant things, that caused her eyes to well up. She decided to get into her tent and just try to get those bad memories out of her head. But the minute she entered her new home, she saw the diary Sawyer gave her the day before lying on her selfmade pillow. The diary, she pretended to not know, although she was very aware that this was hers and that it had the worst of her experiences in it. She laid down, picking it up and opening it on a very specific page. There were so many dried-up tears on there, you couldn´t even read some parts. The tears which had built up in her eyes before were now rolling down her rosy cheeks as she turned the page. She remembered the moment she wrote this very clearly, although it was five years ago. A strange rustle suddenly tore her out of her thoughts. She looked around when she saw Sawyer standing by the entrance to her tent, throwing a shadow onto her. She quickly hid the book underneath her pillow and wiped away the tears while sitting up straight.

"Come in." she meant and Sawyer followed her order. He wasn´t even fully in the tent when he threw a little orange drug container at her.

"For your cheek." He pointed at his own, nodding towards the cut he had caused earlier that day. Liv thought this was the closest thing he could give her as an apology and took the pain killers gladly. "And I thought you might be hungry." He sat down in front of her and she just now noticed a plastic dish with what seemed to be fish in his hand. "Did my best gutting it."

"But you won. You get to keep all fish." She remembered, touched by the nice gesture.

"Yeah, see it as a welcome to the neighborhood." Sawyer smiled slightly, unsure how he felt doing something like that as it wasn´t his normal demeaner.

"Thank you." Live took the plate and dug into the fish. "Where´d you cook it?"

"Fuselage." Sawyer answered and Liv almost choked on her bite. Did he just say…? "Just kidding, grilled it on the campfire of course."

"That´s not funny." Liv replied after she got her breath back.

"Your face was." He mocked her, getting a punch with her foot as a reply. "Ow..haha…Guess I deserved that." Sawyer watched a smile form on Liv´s face. He noticed she had cried, but he thought she didn´t want to talk about it. "I´ll leave you to it then." The man stood up and walked towards the opening of the tent.

"Wait." Liv stopped him and his head snapped to her. "Your question. My honest answer."

"I´ll save it. For when I have a question worth an honest answer." Sawyer smirked which made Liv scoff. He nodded one last time before leaving the tent. Liv felt overjoyed and happy, not only because for the first time in days she ate something different than fruits. She felt comfortable around Sawyer, like she could be her true self with him. All she ever wanted was some place to feel safe and someone to keep her safe. And the more time she spent with Sawyer, the more she felt like he was that someone. Liv couldn´t believe her own thoughts. Did she fall in love on this island?


	5. White rabbit

**Hey guys!**

**So, I just want to warn you, this chapter contains some disturbing things about sexual abuse, which some readers might not want to read. I just want to tell you beforehand, that this story will talk a lot about this topic, since it is very important in my opinion. Also, it has gotten really long so the original ending of episode 5 will be included in the next chapter.**

* * *

It seemed to be a pretty chill morning. Liv and Claire sat at the beach giggling and eating a mango, while the water cooled down their legs. Liv hasn't felt this carefree and happy in a long time. She´s found friends here, had the chance to start a new life and although something was ripping out the trees in the forest, she hasn´t felt this safe in years.

"What´s that?" Claire suddenly asked looking out into the sea, pointing at something moving. "Over there." Liv tried to look very closely and couldn´t make out much because of the sun blinding her. It took her a minute to realize what was really going on.

"Someone´s out there. Someone´s drowning!" she shouted quickly getting on her feet and getting ready to swim out there by taking her shorts and shirt off, leaving her in her underwear which was very much like a bikini. Just as the girl sprinted into the water and Claire called for help and made the other survivors aware of the situation, a man pulled Liv, who wasn´t even far enough in to swim, back and swam out himself.

"Hey!" she shouted after him as she fell back on her bottom into the water. She couldn´t quite make out who it was but it seemed to be Boone, of whom she had heard was a trained life guard. Liv decided not to go after him, considering his training and that he was already too far, and so she walked back to the beach drenched in the salt water. In the meantime, all the remaining people have become aware of what was going on and crowded to watch what was happening.

"Are you okay?" Claire asked Liv who came back coughing up some of the water she had swallowed during her fall. The young woman just nodded sitting down to calm down when she saw Jack sprinting into the water and swimming towards the drowning person. People were talking simultaneously and Liv got to her feet when she noticed Jack returning. She walked towards the spot he was aiming for meeting Kate on the way who just looked at her wondering why she was walking around in her underwear. The minute Jack was able to walk in the water and Liv saw he was helping Boone she ran to him anxiously.

"There´s someone else out there!" she yelled as she Kate and Charlie took Boone over.

"I know." Jack coughed exhausted as he turned around and swam back. Liv decided to help and followed him at once. Kate looked back at them while she and Charlie carried Boone to the beach where other survivors helped them lay him down. Liv looked around, her vision blurry from the salt in her eyes. Waves slapped her in the face and she saw Jack diving. When he came up unsuccessful, she approached him by swimming, her head shaking.

"There´s no one out here. Not anymore." She meant spitting out the water that entered her mouth while talking.

"No…she was here I saw her." Jack meant frustrated and dove in again, this time followed by Liv. They had their eyes open which hurt a lot and looked around. Liv had to get back to the surface to breathe and when Jack didn´t follow after a few seconds she dove in again. She noticed his face had a blue-ish shimmer already but he still didn´t want to give up. The girl grabbed him by his hand and pulled as hard as she could. Eventually they reached the surface again and Jack gasped for air, Liv still holding onto him as she coughed up more water.

"Jack there´s no point." She tried to convince him to get back to the beach, seeing as the others were still watching them but Jack shook his head.

"No. No I can´t…I need to save her." He mumbled disorientated, trying to free himself from her, but Liv held him tightly. The tide was moving them further away from the beach and she feared if they didn´t return now they´d be pulled away. Jack was visibly exhausted, his breathing irregular and his strength gone. Liv felt a bit uncomfortable being half-naked next to a stranger who was shirtless too and occasionally touching due to the movement of the water. After a few more moments she could convince him to swim back with her. Halfway through he got powerless so she pulled all her strength together, put his arm around her shoulder and supported him back to the beach. It was a very strange moment as he felt very much like a father figure to her but also was a stranger.

* * *

Liv fell to her knees when she reached her tent. She was completely exhausted and soaking wet. She lied down onto her back trying to control her breathing and the dizziness coming from it as well as keeping the feeling of failure as far away as possible.

"I think I´ve got a new nickname for you Kid." She opened her eyes seeing Sawyer blocking the sun, smiling down at her.

"Not now Sawyer." She mumbled, slowly getting up and reaching for her backpack for fresh underwear. As she pulled out a new set, she noticed that sand was sticking to her whole body, including her hair and it made her even more frustrated than she had already been.

"I think Imma call you Baywatch now." He scoffed but Liv didn´t have the energy to reply and be nice now.

"I said not now." She repeated, standing up and walking past the surprised man.

"What´d you have for breakfast today? Offensive mushrooms?" he joked but Liv just shook her head not stopping, just aiming for the sea to get the sand off her. "Hey Kid I´m talking to you."

"Not now Sawyer!" she now shouted with a stern look on her face which made him question if he did something wrong. Liv exhaled as soon as the water touched her feet. She walked in till it went up to her knees and started washing the sand off. Once she felt clean again, she went to her tent, grabbing her shirt and shorts from before on the way and put on her dry clothes and looked around. People started to build tents for themselves and make themselves feel at home. She noticed Boone sitting by the water, staring onto the horizon and decided to join him.

"Can I sit here?" she asked and he gave her a soft smile as a yes. "It´s not your fault you know."

"Right. Maybe if I hadn´t pushed you out of the way she would still live." He retorted with a mad scoff.

"Maybe if you hadn´t pushed me out of the way I would be dead." His head whipped to her and his piercing blue eyes were filled with sorrow. "We don´t know what would have happened if we did anything differently. Everything happens for a reason." Boone looked down at his hands which were playing with a shell. Liv gave him a soft nudge to make him feel better and it, in fact, made him smile weakly. "Well, anyway I´ll go and see if I can help anywhere. If you need anything, ever, you can talk to me all right?" she suggested giving him a comforting smile. Boone nodded agreeing and watched her walk away.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Claire looked down at Liv who was sitting in the sand, playing with it.

"Building a sandcastle." She replied with a giggle and looked up to her friend. "Gotta distract yourself somehow." Claire sat down next to her, helping to dig a whole. "Where´d you get that stylish hat?" Liv pointed at the beige hat the pregnant woman was wearing.

"Kate was sorting through some stuff and I took it. Gotta protect yourself somehow." She laughed and so did Liv. "It was really heroine what you did this morning."

"My mother would call it stupid." Liv smiled as she filled a plastic cup with wet sand. "And my brothers would have probably pushed me away like Boone did."

"How old are they? You´re brothers." Claire asked focusing on the castle Liv was building.

"Tim is 22 and James is 19. They can really bug me sometimes, but then again we can have the best time of our lives together. We are really close to be honest…were really close." Liv explained faking a smile.

"I wish I had siblings to fight wi-….wow…" Claire suddenly felt really dizzy and had to stop midsentence.

"Claire? Are you okay?" Liv held her friend´s shoulder looking at her worried as hell. Suddenly the blonde Aussie collapsed into her arms and Liv´s eyes widened. "Claire? Claire! Help! Somebody help me!" she screamed and Charlie and Michael came running to her aid.

"What happened?" Charlie asked concerned taking Claire´s legs while Michael picked her up under her arms.

"I don´t know. One moment she was talking and the next she just collapsed." Liv explained scared, walking with them as they carried her towards the medical tent. Walt, Michael´s son, brought Kate with him and they all crowded around Claire once they put her on the ground again. For a moment Claire regained consciousness and Liv gasped happily when she said some groggy words.

"She needs water." Kate informed Charlie who went to the other side of the tent, looking around in different boxes and bags.

"What the hell?" Liv heard him curse and she joined him. "Where´s the water?" he whispered to her with a serious face.

"I don´t know. Should I look somewhere else?" Liv shrugged wondering what was going on.

"There is no somewhere else." Charlie informed her and Liv´s eyes widened. "Hurley and I brought a box with the last water bottles here. There are no more." Liv gasped in shock. Of all the bad things that could happen to them on this island she totally forgot about water running out. While Charlie told the others in the tent that someone must have stolen the water, Liv got a very good idea of who might have taken it. Without anyone noticing she left the tent and searched for Sawyer. When she saw the man sitting on the ground, leaning against a piece of the wreckage, peacefully reading a book and taking a sip from a water bottle she stormed to him.

"Hey you!" she shouted getting his attention and a confused look.

"Oh now you´re talking to me again?" he smiled but once Liv reached him she slapped the open bottle out of his hand, causing the water to spill onto him. "Son of a bitch!" Sawyer cursed and watched Liv picking the bottle up before it completely ran out.

"Where the hell did you get that?" she held the bottle in front of him and Sawyer, who had no idea what was going on with her, got mad and threw his book to the ground standing up, being way taller than Liv. But this time she didn´t give in. She was angry, still believing Sawyer had stolen all the water.

"From my stash, where the hell do you think I got it from?" he hissed, his eyes fixated on hers and his jaw flinching.

"Did you really think you could get away with it? Stealing all the remaining water?" Liv continued her interrogation and Sawyer got more confused and therefore frustrated by the second.

"The hell you´re talking about? I didn´t steal nothing." They locked eyes and for a moment both didn´t say a word. Liv got the sudden feeling that he was telling the truth and immediately felt awful for not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

"You didn´t take it?" she thought out loud and Sawyer shook his head, still mad about her assumptions. "I´m sorry. You were just the most obvious choice…I don´t know who else could have taken it."

"Yeah, and here I am, thinking I´ve got someone on my side." He threw himself down again, picking up the book and continuing reading. Liv felt terrible for her actions but she knew she just had to let him cool down and a sorry wouldn´t help much. With the bottle she took from him still in his hand she ran back to the medical tent where Charlie sat by Claire´s side and they gave her the few gulps of water still left in the bottle.

"That´s not enough." Charlie worried and looked back and forth between Liv and Claire.

"Better than nothing." She stated as she held her friend´s hand and tried to stay strong for her.

* * *

Some hours went by and Liv and Charlie took turns with sitting by Claire and looking for fresh water. Charlie came back with a little cup of water when Claire woke up again.

"Hey. Here." He handed the cup to Claire who emptied it at once. "It´s not much but it´s what we have." As soon as she gave the cup back to him, she leaned back, an exhausted sigh leaving her lips. "Just relax. You have to think about the little one now, yeah?" he tried to distract her from the dizziness she felt and Liv had to smile at them.

"Thanks for the water, Charlie." Claire smiled and Charlie stood up, pacing around.

"There´d be more if some git hadn´t nicked it." He looked around as though he could figure out the riddle by that.

"No one has seen Jack." Liv informed Claire, who immediately got a look of panic and seemed stressed out.

"But I wouldn´t worry." Charlie sat down next to her again, holding her hand. "Good ol´ Mr. Locke´s gone into the jungle to get some water for you."

"Great. Our only hunter is gonna get eaten, just so he can get the pregnant girl some more water." Claire joked and made her friends giggle lightly.

"I wouldn´t worry love. I mean you tell me who´d you rather meet in a dark alley? Whatever´s out there or that geezer with 400 knives?" Charlie comforted her and Liv felt the obvious connection between the two of them and smirked at their conversation.

"When are they gonna rescue us?" Claire asked after a moment of silence and Charlie and Liv exchanged looks.

"Soon." He tried to sound as convincing as possible but wasn´t so sure himself.

"Thanks Charlie." Claire replied to his surprise and he asked her what for. "People don´t seem to look me in the eye here. I think I scare them. The baby. It´s like I´m this time bomb of responsibility, just waiting to go off." She looked at her hand lingering on her belly and Liv just tried to find an answer to comfort her friend, when Charlie suddenly tore her out of her thoughts.

"You don´t scare me." He said and Claire and the Brit locked eyes and gave each other a sweet, comforting smile. Liv knew as soon as her friend got better, she and her needed to have a long boys-talk.

* * *

Kate just came out of the jungle followed by Sayid, both looking grumpy and angry, as Liv approached them.

"Is Jack back yet?" she asked worried about Claire´s condition but Kate just passed her not saying a word. "Sayid?"

"No. We haven´t seen him since he left." The Arab replied, not bothering to stop and simply following Kate. Liv didn´t want to wait. She knew Jack could be anywhere in that huge forest but she also didn´t want to take a chance and let Claire suffer. As fast as she could she emptied her backpack and put everything useful like a flashlight and her diary inside. Although this wouldn´t help her in a fight, she didn´t want to leave it unattended. The girl found a half full water bottle underneath some clothes and packed it as well. Backpack on her back, she sneaked away always looking back to see if no one was following her. She was so concentrated on checking her surroundings she didn´t look forward and smashed right into Sawyer, who couldn´t have been angrier.

"What, you´re next to jump me." He asked grumpily as soon as both registered what happened.

"What?" Liv was confused not knowing what he was talking about.

"Kate and Sayid just attacked me with another accusation about stealing the water. As you don´t seem to believe me anyway, why not come after me again." Sawyer explained in a very angry and frustrated tone.

"Believe it or not I´m not here because of you. Not everything´s about you Sawyer." She retorted, obviously not having his childish behavior right now and tried to walk past him as he grabbed her by her wrist.

"Where do you think you´re going?" he asked her and she couldn´t quite sense if he was concerned or just being a straight up asshole, but one thing was for sure…she didn´t like the way he talked to her or acted.

"Who are you? My possessive boyfriend?" her statement caught him off guard and she could free herself from his grip, continuing her walk into the forest. It didn´t take long for her to notice Sawyer was following and without looking back she asked what he was doing.

"You think I´m gonna leave you alone in this damn jungle?" he wondered, his voice still quite angry and his pace getting faster to catch up with her.

"Whatever. I´m looking for Jack. You either join me or stay back but I´m not gonna go back to the beach." Liv meant determined and Sawyer had to smile slightly.

"Fine. I ain´t planning on going back too."

* * *

About an hour had passed and Liv and Sawyer were still hiking through the forest. She felt her ankle starting to hurt and was kind of limping over tree branches and around rocks, but she didn´t think on going back. Sawyer knew she wouldn´t give up and offered his support whenever they had to climb over something. At some point though Liv had to sit down on a branch, exhaling exhausted and taking a sip of her water. She offered it to Sawyer, who declined it, but she practically forced it onto him.

"Thanks." He mumbled taking a gulp before handing it back. "How do you know Jack´s this way." He asked pointing into the direction they were heading, but Liv just packed the bottle away, not answering. "You don´t know if he´s that way."

"I´m not Locke. I can´t find a trail. I just felt like going this direction." She answered wiping sweat out of her face. Sawyer inhaled to push the urge of arguing down and whipped his hair out of his face.

"Then how´d you think we´re gonna find back?" he asked but Liv just looked at him, not so sure herself. "Are you being serious?"

"I didn´t think about it okay? It was kind of an impulse-decision." She admitted much to his disappointment. "It´s gonna get dark soon, let´s just try and find back. Maybe Jack has returned already, who knows." Sawyer nodded in agreement and helped her up from the branch. "Ow!" Liv hissed as soon as her foot touched the ground. She tried putting weight on it, however, she could feel from the tightness in her shoe that it had swollen immensely. The brunette sat down again, carefully taking off her shoe just to face a blue-ish, swollen ankle that felt like it was about to explode.

"Okay I´m gonna carry you." Sawyer suggested but it sounded more like an order which Liv immediately denied. "That wasn´t a question." He gestured to his back and that he was gonna take her piggy-back. After some seconds of hesitation and the look of her ankle, Liv gave in and hopped onto his back. She wasn´t heavy or anything, she just felt tense and uncomfortable being this close to a man, seeing as she hasn´t consensually been this close to one in a long time. It took her a bit to fully relax and realize what she really felt and how much she actually enjoyed being on his back. His muscular arms were wrapped around her legs on each side while her arms lingered on his shoulder. Liv softly put her head down, placing her chin on his shoulder, having it right next to his ear and spotting him looking at her from the corner of his eye. A smirk formed on both their lips as they continued their journey back.

"Haven´t we been here before?" Liv suddenly asked when she saw a funny shaped tree she definitely remembered.

"I ain´t running in circles." Sawyer protested, unsure himself if he hadn´t seen that big rock over there once or twice already. "You know how about we just call for someone. Somebody might hear us."

"Hush." Liv suddenly silenced him, which Sawyer didn´t like at all. But as he opened his mouth to protest, Liv slid down his back and pushed past him. "You hear that?" she asked and Sawyer looked around, hearing only the leaves hustling in the wind and some birds chirping. "Water." The girl meant following the noise while the man walked behind her not hearing anything similar to water. They only walked for a minute when Liv pulled a branch away and both gazed into a cave with a water stream. They looked at each other, Liv proudly and Sawyer partly surprised and partly still confused, before they went in and drank from the water.

"Where the hell are we?" Sawyer asked wiping the water from his mouth once he finished satisfying his thirst. Liv sat up, leaning against a rock as she looked around as well. She pointed at suitcases piling on each other and a piece of metal that look like the metal from the fuselage.

"I think bits of the plane crashed here." Sawyer followed her gaze and immediately started unpacking some of the cases, very much to Liv´s disgust. "Stealing from the dead." She murmured so he wouldn´t hear her.

* * *

An hour went by and the sun set and Sawyer and Liv decided to stay there because they wouldn´t find the way back in the dark anyway and Liv´s flashlight was more of a key chain than helpful. They found a lighter with which they made a small fire and with a pile of clothes and even a pillow they had found in a suitcase they tried to make themselves comfortable. Both stared out of the opening of the cave and didn´t make a single noise, besides their breathing.

"I shouldn´t have been on that plane." Liv suddenly broke the silence, but concentrated on the leaves moving in the wind, right outside the cave.

"None of us should have." Sawyer corrected her, meaning that this shouldn't have happened to anyone on that plane.

"You don't understand. I shouldn't have been on that plane. I missed my first flight." Liv explained fighting the tears that came up.

"Why?" Sawyer got curious, seemingly not noticing her mood swing.

"It's a long story." She crossed her arms over her chest, hoping it would calm her down but of course Sawyer didn't think of letting this go.

"Sweetheart, last time I checked we had to spend a night in a cave, so I'd say enough time." He meant with a smirk mimicking her position and looking at her. Liv was conflicted. She felt safe with Sawyer, like she could tell him everything, she wanted to tell him everything. However, she didn't know anything about him and it didn't seem like he was going to tell her anything anytime soon. Liv turned, catching his gaze and for a moment they just looked at each other.

"I've been in Sydney for about two, maybe three weeks, had already booked my flight to LA and it was my last night. I decided to go to a pub, bar call it what you want, near my hostel. I didn't drink anything, just a coke." She told him in a hoarse voice which was on the verge to break.

"Why didn't you drink? And don't tell me our game on the beach was your first time, cause it wasn't." Sawyer smirked and Liv scoffed, the corners of her mouth slightly raising.

"Even if I wanted, they wouldn't have given me anything, I was underaged." She informed him and Sawyer opened his mouth in shock. "Didn't you know it was my 18th birthday?"

"Hell, no!" Sawyer was genuinely surprised. "This changes everything." He added and as much as Liv wondered what that meant she didn't ask. "Continue with your story." Sawyer ordered, gesturing with his hand to continue and Liv sighed.

"So, I was sitting at the bar when this guy came up to me…"

* * *

_*Flashback*_

"_May I buy you a drink?" The guy sat down on the bar stool next to Liv and her head shot up from her glass._

"_No, thanks." She smiled politely as she denied but he still looked at her, not moving an inch._

"_Oh come on. Let me at least introduce myself." He had a charming smile on his lips and Liv got weak, agreeing to it. The bartender brought them two whiskeys mixed with coke and the pair shook hands._

"_McKinley." _

"_Liv"_

"_So what brings you here?" He asked taking a sip of his beverage, eyeing her up and down as her outfit, which consisted of simple jeans and a shirt with V-neck, looked more like she decided spontaneously to come._

"_Just enjoying my last night in Australia. I have a flight to LA tomorrow." Liv replied also taking a sip of the rather strong beverage._

* * *

Liv swallowed as she locked eyes with Sawyer, who hang on every word she said.

"And then?" He wondered and she closed her eyes exhaling deeply.

"We drank and chatted and drank and chatted and the time flew by. And then it was time for me to return to my hostel." Liv started and the very thought of it pained her.

* * *

"_I should probably go." Liv meant emptying her glass. She had lost count of how much they drank and felt tipsy as she stumbled down off the stool. McKinley offered her a hand which she took gladly and they giggled both seemingly drunk._

"_Let me accompany you to your hotel at least." He said but she shook her head with a smile._

"_I'm good really. It's just around the corner, I don't want to hold you up." Liv answered but he was persistent, repeating he would gladly bring her home. "Alright, my sense of direction might be a bit off now." She walked outside of the bar, breathing in the fresh air of the night as he followed her. Liv pointed in the direction she came from but McKinley didn't look that way. His eyes wandered from hers to her lips and within a few seconds his lips crashed onto hers. Liv was overwhelmed. She furrowed her eyebrows, not returning his kiss and a sudden fear built up in her. She softly pushed him away, breaking the kiss and he looked at her surprised. _

"_I'm sorry I…I can't…I think it's best I go now." Liv stuttered blinking, realising what just happened. _

"_Come on why are you so hesitant now? You were clearly longing for me." McKinley got mad at her for resenting him and she got scared at how he raised his voice._

"_I'm sorry if you got the wrong signals, but we were merely having a conversation and a few drinks. I didn't intend for this to go any further." Liv defended herself, realising he kinda walked her against a wall. If she wanted to leave, she had to get past him now. _

"_You didn't intend for this to go further…alright" he scoffed running a hand through his hair. "The only reason I even went up to you was because you were staring at me the whole time and you looked hot. That's all, so don't tell me this wasn't an option." McKinley was really disrespectful towards her and somehow, she could pass him and stepped back, now no wall holding her in. "I paid a lot for those drinks you had and I demand you give me what I deserve in return." He kept his voice low, so no one besides her heard his disrespectful words and Liv didn´t know if she should laugh or cry. Was that guy serious? _

"_I´m sorry, but I won´t give you whatever you think it is you deserve. But feel free to go back in. I´m sure there´s plenty of bitches that will gladly do whatever you want them to." The young girl was surprised by how confident she sounded, when she was genuinely scared that he would do something to her. She glanced at him once more, catching his furious gaze, before walking away. However, she didn´t make five steps when she suddenly felt someone grab her wrist and pull her back. Liv let out a scream which was soon muffled by a hand covering her mouth. Fear rose up as she was pressed against a wall in a dark alley and McKinley stared at her with cruel eyes and a terrifyingly familiar grin. He kept his hand on her mouth making it harder for her to breathe, as she started hyperventilating in fear, trying to fight him off. The tall, muscular man pressed his body against hers and the petite woman wanted to throw up when she felt his arousal against her jeans. _

"_Stop fighting, it´ll only hurt more." He whispered, pressing his lips against her ear. Hearing that, Liv couldn´t hold back the tears and started crying in despair. She begged him to stop, to just let her go, her voice being muffled by his hand. She kicked him against his leg which made him wince slightly and even angrier. Liv pressed her eyes together, so she wouldn´t need to look at him when he suddenly wrapped both hands around her neck and started choking her. _

"_Stop fighting it or I´ll kill you!" he threatened and Liv´s hands shot up to his, trying to pull him away but failed. _

"_Please.." she begged, her throat sore and her head pounding. McKinley took one hand away but choked her even harder with the other, when she heard his belt being unbuckled. Tears streamed down the girl´s cheeks and she felt her body stiffen and slowly the thought of just giving up came to her mind. The minute his hand reached out for the button of her jeans she started screaming as loud as she could with him still choking her and trying to fight him off and push him away, causing his grip to only get tighter. She felt as though every breath she took was her last and her eyes started seeing the surroundings blurry when she suddenly heard someone shouting towards them. With all the power and place she had left with his hand around her neck, Liv turned to the beginning of the dark alley she was pushed in and noticed someone running towards them. Her attacker quickly let go of her, causing her to fall down to her knees, coughing and crying, as she watched him run away._

"_Are you okay." An older man kneeled down beside her and she shivered and pulled away at his touch. Soon after him came an older woman who offered Liv tissues and also sat by the girl that was still coughing and breathing heavily. Her pants were open and her shirt pulled up and she felt disgusted with herself. "Rose, call the police, dear." The man said and Liv dared to look the couple in their faces. They had kind eyes and comforting smiles and Liv started crying again. Not because she was scared for her life or because she had nearly been raped. But because she remembered her life at home. Because she missed her parents and her brothers and because she remembered terrible things that had happened to her there._

* * *

Sawyer looked at Liv open-mouthed, his eyebrows furrowed in sorrow as a tear rolled down her cheek. She gasped, wiping it away and looking away from him.

"That night was one of the worst I´ve ever had. I was scared for my life and I was crying so much, I didn´t even thank the couple. The police picked me up and brought me in for interrogation. They did those tests on me to get DNA of the perpetrator." Liv´s voice broke and she couldn´t hold back the tears. Sawyer felt awful for making her cry, for making her tell the story. He came over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. Liv hissed at first, being in the same kind of pain she was that night, but she let him embrace her. Sawyer pulled her closer, placing her head on his chest to soothe her and she sobbed into his shirt.

"When I left the station, it was day. Birds were chirping and people were going to work as if it was any other day. And I was petrified. I don´t remember how I got to my hostel. All I remember was sitting in shower for an hour, long after the warm water ran out. I had missed my plane already and the maid came into my room, telling me that I had to leave." Liv recalled, once she calmed down. "I drove to the airport and the lady was nice enough to give me a new ticket for Oceanic flight 815 for free, since I had already paid the one I missed. I shouldn´t be on this island. I shouldn´t have crashed. I shouldn´t have been on that plane."


	6. House of the rising sun

**Hey guys!**

**So as I rewatched lost I realized there´s a topic they never really spoke about but it surely must be important. So I decided to talk about it and make Liv think what I believe many people on the island would have thought at that time. Other than that, enjoy!**

Liv was tired and exhausted. Her eyes were swollen and hurt and the bright light coming from the signal fire wasn´t helping. She stayed in the back, watching as the crowd of survivors listened to yet another motivational speech of Jack´s when her eyes suddenly landed on an older African-American woman. She had seen her from afar, always wondering why she seemed so familiar, but now she realized where she knew her from.

"Last week most of us were strangers." Liv heard Jack´s voice blurring out as she concentrated onto the woman who seemed to look back at her. "But if we can´t live together…we´re gonna die alone." Were the last words Liv actively heard of the speech, when her feet moved towards the woman, who gave her a warm smile, anticipating the girl´s arrival.

"Hi…I don´t think I´ve introduced myself to you. I´m Liv." Liv slowly greeted her, shaking her hand, her voice being insecure.

"My name´s Rose." The woman replied steadily and with a friendly tone. Her name sent shivers down Liv´s spine as she remembered the encounter she had told Sawyer about.

"I don´t think I have thanked you yet…for helping me out back in Sydney." Liv suddenly shot out after a brief moment of silence. Rose´s smile turned into a frown as she took the young woman´s hands and looked her deeply in the eyes.

"There is no need for a thank you, Bernhard and I did what everybody else would have done in that situation." She whispered and tears shot up into Liv´s eyes. "Were you alright? I´m sorry we couldn´t go to the police station with you, we were really worried but they told us we weren´t allowed to." Rose continued and Liv whimpered quietly as she pulled her hand away and hugged herself remembering the fear and panic she felt that night. "Oh child…" the elder woman let out a worried sigh before pulling her into a hug. Once her head rested on Rose´s shoulder, Liv broke into tears and sobbed quietly not drawing too much attention. She hugged her back, feeling safe in the warm embrace. After a few seconds Rose pulled away, cupping Liv´s cheek with her hands and giving her another comforting smile. "You are so strong and courageous. And you are an extraordinary woman, don´t you ever forget that." Liv let out a small laugh at the heartwarming words before she realized the crowd has split up and Jack went off with Kate. Rose handed Liv a tissue before leaving as well and telling her to find her if she ever needed comfort. The young girl dried her tears and turned to the place she was standing before approaching Rose, looking at a very worried Sawyer. She turned to leave for her tent, suddenly feeling his already familiar tight grip around her wrist, which sent a cold shower down her spine.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, his voice almost breaking, but still sounding incredibly hot. Liv just nodded, trying to free her hand but he didn´t let go. "I´m serious."

"Sawyer, listen. I told you about that night because I felt like I could trust you. Let´s not make a big deal out of it." She turned to leave again, but he didn´t loosen his grip. Liv looked back at him, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes giving her a worried look. For a moment, they locked eyes and it felt like time stopped. His hand wandered from her wrist to her palm and he carefully took her hand in his, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I´m still the same I was last morning, nothing has changed. Let´s not pretend I´m some fragile doll made of glass. I´ve survived worse." Liv whispered, a lump forming in her throat as she thought back to her childhood. She pulled her hand out of this comforting position and left for her tent. She liked Sawyer because he didn´t act like she was a child and didn´t treat her like one, and she certainly didn´t want this to change.

* * *

The next morning arose and Liv was ready to act as though nothing had happened the night before. However, Sawyer didn´t want to let go and talk to her about their moment they shared in the caves. He approached her as she stood by her tent. A soft smile formed on her lips as he came closer but soon her expression changed once she saw his worried look.

"Good morning…" he greeted her and Liv rolled her eyes, knowing what he was going to say.

"Don´t." she warned him turning to her tent again and Sawyer looked up in confusion.

"How did you-" he wanted to ask but Liv cut him off.

"Just please don´t make this more uncomfortable than it already is. I told you a not so pretty part of my story but that doesn´t mean that you have to look after me now or are responsible for me…I can take care of myself pretty well." She stated and Sawyer sighed nodding in agreement.

"You want some breakfast?" he changed the subject, holding up a mango and the smile returned to Liv´s face. But just as she wanted to answer she looked behind Sawyer and saw a fight going on in the water and heard Sun, the Korean woman, and Walt shouting and screaming. Sawyer followed her gaze and rushed down once he realized what was going on. Liv followed him but this time she learned her lesson and didn´t interfere. Sayid and Sawyer pulled Jin and Michael apart. Sayid tried to hold back Jin as Sawyer helped Michael, who was being strangled by the Korean, out of the water. They handcuffed him to a piece of the plane and Liv rushed to the African-American´s aid, giving him some of the water she had found the day before. The men discussed what happened, Michael being furious and defending himself and that he didn´t do anything wrong and Jin attacked him out of the blue. Liv noticed how Sun tried to defend her husband in Korean but her body language and expression suggested that she knew what was going on. The girl turned to the Korean woman with a sceptic gaze which Sun noticed. Her body got a little tighter and she turned to her husband. Liv was sure that Sun had a secret, however, they are not good enough friends to share them.

* * *

"No, no, no, no…urgh darn!" Liv cursed quietly when she finished peeing in a secluded corner of the forest and noticed blood in her underwear. "Out of all the times I should have gotten my period does it have to be this time?" she continued trying to malfunction a tissue into something of a pad before rushing down to her tent for a new set of underpants and a hectic search for tampons. Unfortunately, Liv didn´t find anything of the sort. A devastated sigh came from her as she realized she had to approach other people for it. And if she hated one thing, it was to talk about her period. Claire was still recovering from the day before but the girl joined her nonetheless.

"Hey Claire, I got a question." Liv began, fiddling with her shirt as she felt extremely uncomfortable. "When you were looking through the luggage, did you find any…" Liv looked around and came closer whispering the next part, "any tampons or pads or something of the sort?" Claire raised her eyebrows and remembered she found a pack of tampons.

"I did, but I gave them to Kate as I…well, don´t need them. She might still have them." Claire suggested and Liv sighed.

"Too bad Kate went off into the forest with Jack." Liv sat down next to her friend scanning the beach for a female she could ask next. "I haven´t had my period in two years. Doctor´s said I wasn´t fertile. And now that we´re on this bloody island, my uterus decided to work again."

"Hold on…you´re infertile?" Claire asked shocked, holding her baby bump and Liv´s eyes shot up.

"Was…apparently. But that´s not important right now. I need to find something." The younger girl stated and Claire nodded.

"Well, I guess then you should start looking." Claire gave her a comforting smile which relaxed Liv a little. "Don´t worry. I was just like you and didn´t want to share anything about it. But it´s a natural thing. The one thing I didn´t miss when I found out, but natural." She exclaimed, rubbing her baby bump and both cracked up a little. Liv left Claire and wandered around asking every woman she thought might have something, all the while worrying if the tissue will work until she finds what she needs. However, after she has asked every female person she could think of, she returned to Claire unsuccessful.

"This can´t be. How is it that about half of the people here are women and no one has a tampon?" she wondered cradling her head in her hands.

"I might have an idea." Claire suddenly meant and Liv´s head whipped to her as she nodded towards something. Once Liv turned to it, she saw Sawyer walking along the beach, a bagpack on his back and a cigarette in his mouth. Liv furrowed her eyebrows, a light scoff escaping her mouth.

"I don´t think Sawyer needs tampons." She joked and Claire shook her head in agreement.

"No, but he knows their value. So he might have some in his…" she looked at her friend expecting her to finish the sentence.

"Stash…But I´m not gonna ask him. It´s too embarrassing. Also, I have nothing of value in exchange." Liv thought out loud and Claire sighed.

"You gotta find a way. You could always ask Jack or Kate but who knows when they´ll return." She meant and Liv nodded, exhaling deeply before standing up and walking away.

* * *

Liv paced the beach up and down, thinking about a way to get a good look at Sawyer´s stash without him noticing when she suddenly overheard a discussion between Boone and Shannon.

"You´re just really not helpful. Everyone is busting their ass off, trying to work as a group and survive and all you care about is your tan." Boone shouted. Both of them were so focused on cursing each other that they didn´t even notice Liv coming closer.

"And you are just a hypocrite. Always talking about helping but never actually doing something." Shannon yelled back her hands formed in fists and her face full with anger.

"Hey!" Liv interrupted in an inappropriate gleeful voice. "Shannon can I talk to you?" she asked and the siblings looked at her surprised. "I need some help and I think you´re just the person." Shannon turned to Boone with a smug expression before turning on her heel and walking away with Liv. "So I need to go through Sawyer´s stash, but he can´t know. That´s why I need you." She explained as they were walking to a more secluded area. "You need to distract him."

"What do you need?" Shannon asked curiously and Liv sighed. She hoped the question wouldn´t pop up but she had to go through with it.

"I need tampons or anything of that sort. I will split what I find and give it to the women here." She explained and Shannon nodded.

"Fine. I want 50%." She demanded and Liv looked at her stunned.

"Didn´t you listen? I´m gonna split it. We all need them." She repeated but the blonde shook her head.

"You can do with your part whatever you want. I want 50%."

"10." Liv tried to convince her but Shannon didn´t give up so easily.

"40 and we have a deal."

"Shannon! How is 40% for you and 60 for 20 other females fair?" Liv wondered and it made Shannon go down to 30.

"I´ll give you 20 but that's all, I´m not going higher." The young woman suggested and Shannon held out her hand.

"Deal. So, what exactly should I do?" she asked and Liv rolled her eyes.

"I don´t know. You´re a pretty girl, he´s a man…work your magic." She answered and both nodded in agreement. Liv stepped away but Shannon held her back.

"Wait! How do I know you´re finished?" she wanted to know and Liv thought about it for a second.

"I´ll join in on the conversation. Just stay in sight so I know when anything happens."

A few minutes went by in which Liv and Shannon tried to locate Sawyer. Once he was far enough away from his tent Liv sent Shannon towards him with the note that she should be flirty. The brunette listened in to the first few sentences before slowly sneaking into the rather large tent. However, Sawyer wasn´t dumb and hid his stash in case anyone would dare to steal – like Liv.

"Where could they be?" she wondered out loud, lifting some boxes and shirts. Occasionally, she turned back and looked over to Shannon and Sawyer giggling and talking. A soft smile formed on Liv´s lips as she realized her plan worked but she quickly felt jealousy rising up. Shaking her head to get those thoughts out of it, she continued her search. Suddenly, she heard a rustling and startled, quickly turning around. Once she realized Sawyer and Shannon were still deeply involved in their conversation she turned back and noticed the blanket that was Sawyer´s bed was pushed aside. She had probably done that while turning. And underneath the blanket was a box which turned out to be full with different things, from cigarettes to porn magazines to shower gel. Liv grubbed in the box, when she came across three tampons.

"Better than nothing, I suppose," she thought out loud a bit disappointed but hopeful. The girl put the tampons in a pocket of her trousers and continued looking for more. "Damn it there´s nothi- what´s that?" she suddenly held an envelope in her hand, the paper already yellow-ish and crinkly. When she heard another rustle, she peeked back but to her shock she found Shannon standing there alone, Sawyer nowhere to be seen. Liv´s heart started pounding extremely fast and her eyes wandered around the space the opening of the tent allowed her to see. No sign of Sawyer. She shut the lid of the box and put the blanket over it to its previous state.

"And what is it you´re looking for?" she suddenly registered Sawyer´s voice behind her and her head whipped back. Their eyes met, and she couldn´t quite make out what he was thinking. His face wore a smirk but his eyes were warning.

"You. I was looking for you." Liv lied, faking a smile and slowly hiding the envelope in the back of her jeans.

"I´m here…what did you want from me?" Sawyer scoffed when Liv didn´t continue. She quickly sorted through her thoughts and came up with the best thing she could think of.

"I just wanted to thank you. For listening to me yesterday. And carrying me when my ankle hurt. It was very honorable." She spilled out and Sawyer´s expression changed to a satisfied grin.

"Welcome." He answered and Liv pushed herself past him and walked away. Her heart slowed down and she exhaled deeply, clutching to the pocket the tampons were in. But it didn´t take her long to feel anger coming up as she rushed to Shannon and Boone´s place.

"What in the bloody hell was going on? Why did you let him go?!" she shouted as she stormed towards Shannon who had resting bitch face on and looked like she couldn´t care less.

"Whatever, did you get it?" she asked and Liv rolled her eyes throwing one tampon at her. "I might have gotten more if Sawyer wasn´t suddenly standing behind me." She retorted and Shannon scoffed as though Liv was joking. But once she realized Liv was serious, she got mad.

"What happened to my 20%?" she said angrily and Liv looked at her confused.

"I only found three. This one tampon is more percentage than you deserve, honestly." Liv crossed her arms and looked her straight in the eyes, while Shannon came closer, being much taller than the petite brunette.

"And how is one 20%? I think you haven't been to school lately." She hissed, making Liv scoff.

"You´re the one to talk." She replied turning on her heel and walking away. She didn´t let anyone speak to her that way and was gonna get use of what she could retrieve.

* * *

Some time passed and Jack and Kate returned to the camp with a crowd immediately forming to get water. They gave a bottle to everyone and once it was Liv´s turn she pulled Jack aside.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked and Jack nodded as they walked a bit further away. "You´ve got medical supplies, right?" Jack nodded again. "Do you also have things that aren´t necessarily medical?"

"What do you need?" Jack asked and Liv started blushing out of embarrassment. She moved a bit closer to avoid anyone hearing her.

"Do you have tampons or pads?" she whispered feeling uncomfortable which Jack noticed. He gave her a soft smile followed by a nod and lead her to his tent. The doctor pulled a pack out of a box and gave it to her with the words, that she should bring it back when she doesn´t need them anymore so other women can use them. "Thank you so much." Liv felt like hugging him but it seemed like the wrong moment.

"Do you think moving to the caves is a bad idea?" Jack suddenly asked after a brief moment of silence.

"Like not coming back here at all?" she answered with another question and Jack nodded again.

"Sayid and Kate don´t seem too fond of the idea. They still have hope for rescue." He stated and Liv looked down to her feet.

"You don´t?" she wondered quietly and Jack sighed.

"I´m a realist. We´ve been here for 7 days and they are probably looking for us somewhere else. There´s no one coming." He replied and Liv just frowned not looking up. Another moment of awkward silence built up tension in between them.

"Anyway, thank you." Liv pointed at the box of tampons and turned to leave the tent.

"Would you move?" his voice stopped her and Liv exhaled turning her head back to him.

"I don't know…It sure has many advantages but…the beach is the first place I´ve felt at home in a while." Liv answered with a soft smile as she turned back to the exit.

"Because of him?" Jack´s voice stopped again and Liv froze in her place. "Because of Sawyer? Liv he´s not a good guy…and I know I don´t have any right to tell you what to do but you should keep your distance."

"You´re right." Liv said not looking back and Jack exhaled relaxed. "You don´t get to tell me what to do." Were her last words before she left the tent.

* * *

Jack announced to the survivors his idea of moving to the caves. At first the people were sceptic but the more he told them about the advantages the more people were interested. Liv noticed Claire standing in the crowd, listening closely and joined her with a smile.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked, and Claire smiled placing her hand on her baby bump.

"As much as I hope for rescue, I have to think about my baby too. And I don´t want to have another collapse like yesterday. And if what Jack says is true then I don´t see a reason to stay." The Aussie replied and Liv nodded understanding.

"Is Charlie moving too?" she teased her with a nudge on the shoulder, nodding to the fact that the two of them had spent a lot of time together. Claire blushed and looked down with a soft smile. "Hey, I´m all for it, as long as you´re happy."

"Thank you." Claire whispered, her cheeks still blushed and a big smile on her lips. Liv hugged her friend and as she looked over Claire´s shoulder she saw Sawyer crouching in front of Kate a bit further away, smirking while talking to her. The same feeling of jealousy like earlier with Shannon came up, just a bit stronger.

"Liv, what are you doing? Why do you feel this way?" she thought to herself and closed her eyes to push it down again. The two girls parted ways, each one going to her place. Liv wasn´t sure if she should move to the caves or stay on the beach. She watched people around her packing their belongings into bags and suitcases, when she noticed Sawyer lighting up a cigarette and walking to his tent. She took the opportunity to ask him about his plans.

"Hey…" she greeted walking towards Sawyer, who was sitting on a plane seat in front of his tent and the minute they locked eyes a smile formed on her lips. "You´re not packing."

"What should I be packing for?" Sawyer asked, puffing his cigarette as Liv sat down in front of him.

"Aren´t you going to the caves?" she wondered with a worried expression and Sawyer looked her face up and down, one eyebrow raised.

"Are you?" he asked back and they both stayed quiet for a moment.

"I don't know yet." Liv replied as she looked across the beach spotting Kate talking to Jack. "Kate´s staying." She noticed Sawyer´s head whipping to Kate and his expression changing to something she couldn´t define. "Is she the reason you´re staying?" Liv continued, looking at Sawyer who quickly turned back and looked at the cigarette in his hand which was almost burning out. "I see." The girl meant standing up.

"Nothing to see though." The Southerner answered, his voice quiet and monotone almost as though he was feeling conflicted or irritated.

"I…I should go." Liv faked a smile to hide the lump building in her throat. "Claire asked me to help packing her things." She gestured to Claire a bit further away and started walking backwards when Sawyer stood up and his voice held her back.

"Why were you so interested in my plans?" he asked and Liv didn´t stop walking backwards, taking a deep breath as she felt like crying.

"I don´t know…maybe I was looking for a reason to stay." she replied, her voice on the verge of breaking.

"Did you find one?"

"Not sure."

* * *

Liv walked to her tent and only when she entered it, she let her tears stream down. Her feelings for Sawyer were clear – she liked him and not on a friendship base. And she couldn´t shake the feeling that he liked her but then again there was Kate and all the other women on the island that could give him what she couldn´t. In all her despair Liv took out the letter she stole from Sawyer and hid in her things. She quietly read it to herself.

"Dear Mister Sawyer. You don´t know who I am, but I know who you are and I know what you´ve done. You had sex with my mother and then you stole my dad´s money all away. So he got angry and he killed my mother…and then he killed himself too." Liv gasped as she lifted her eyes up. She knew Sawyer wasn´t the best example for a good guy but she couldn´t believe he had done such a thing. Not being able to bear continuing to read she put the letter back into the envelope and pushed it into her backpack. The tears she had still left in her streamed down uncontrollably. She fell in love with a man similar to one that has broken her spirit and stolen her childhood. Liv was gutted. Her hands were shaking by the very thought back to those dark days.

"Calm down Liv. Damn it, calm down." She tried to soothe herself by clutching to her backpack and controlling her breathing so she wouldn´t have a panic attack. "You´re safe here. You´re safe."

* * *

The sun was about to set and Jack had gotten about half the people to join him in the caves. They were gathering up and he checked if all that agreed were there.

"Jin, Sun, Claire…hold on…where´s L-" he started but got cut off by Liv coming to a halt next to him.

"I´m here." She informed him with a weak smile.

"That´s all you have?" he asked looking at her backpack and the blanket in her hands.

"Didn´t bring more on the plane." She replied with a soft shrug. Jack eyed up Liv´s face noticeably thinking what has happened to make her eyes red and puffy and smile look forced and sad. However, he didn´t ask.

"Alright guys let´s go. Cave´s that way." He pointed into the forest and the crowd started moving, passing Liv who stayed back to be the last one so no one would speak to her. As everybody was disappearing into the forest, she saw Sawyer on the opposite side, carrying firewood, an unreadable expression of sorrow and regret on his face. Liv walked over to him, pushing her fear aside, when she suddenly heard Boone´s voice and turned to the man who stood at the beginning of the jungle looking at her.

"I´ll join you in a second. I know the way." She assured and he continued going with the rest.

"So, you´re going with the pessimists." Sawyer faked a smirk as Liv looked at him from under her lashes with a frown.

"No, I´m going with the realists." She replied seriously and Sawyer sighed shaking his head.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." He put the wood down and walked to his tent to grab a bottle of water and take a sip.

"The caves offer shelter, an endless supply of fresh water…what does the beach offer that the caves don´t?" she asked following him instantly.

"Friendly neighborhood." Sawyer looked around but it seemed more like he was mocking her.

"Half of what you call neighborhood is moving to the caves." Liv answered and Sawyer looked down at the bottle in his hands. "Unless you´re speaking of yourself?"

"Fine! You´ve got a friend here." He admitted blushing. It obviously was hard for him to admit what he was feeling.

"Claire´s my friend too." Liv countered but Sawyer shook his head.

"Claire doesn´t understand you."

"And you do?"

"I know you." Sawyer insisted but Liv shook her head softly.

"You don´t know me. You know a not so pretty part of me, but you don´t know half the story." She felt a lump forming in her throat as her eyes welled up.

"And now, you´ll never tell me." Sawyer mumbled and Liv scoffed, the tears going back again.

"It´s not like we´re never gonna see each other again. I´m just moving a mile further into the forest." The brunette smiled and Sawyer turned away sitting down on the plane seat in front of his tent, saying "whatever" under his breath.

"Are you angry because I´m moving?" Liv furrowed her eyebrows as she stepped closer. "When I asked you earlier you didn´t seem to care."

"Look, I know what it feels like to be different and to not have a normal life and you´re the only person where I felt normal again okay?" Sawyer suddenly burst out and Liv could have sworn his eyes seemed wetter than usual. "Where I didn´t feel like the outcast I always am. I understand what you´ve been through"

"I highly doubt that." Liv whispered, her voice shaky as tears shot into her eyes again. Sawyer stood up and came closer to her. He reached for her hand, but she was resistant at first feeling uncomfortable after what she read in his letter. But feeling his breath on top of her head and smelling his cologne made her head go haywire and she let him take her hand.

"Is there anything I can do…to change your mind?" he whispered in a low voice. Her eyes shot up to his and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Sawyer´s gaze dropped to her lips and then up to her eyes again. He slowly leaned in and Liv stretched her neck to be closer to the tall man. Their lips were a few inches apart and the sexual tension between them unbearable. Their eyes were closed and Sawyer´s other hand carefully cupped Liv´s cheek which sent chills down her spine. Suddenly Liv came to a halt and her eyes flicked open.

"There´s nothing you could do to convince me." She whispered, their lips still as close together and Sawyer opened his eyes looking at her confused. "I´ve made up my mind." Liv freed herself from this position and stepped back a bit. "And nothing´s gonna change it…Goodbye Sawyer." She gave him one last glance and took in his confused expression before turning around and leaving for the caves.


	7. The moth

The first night in the caves was over. Liv was tired and exhausted. Thoughts about Sawyer and the letter wouldn´t leave her head. He was not who she thought he was. Yawning the girl walked to the stream of fresh water and splashed some on her face when she heard the strings of a guitar being played.

"See you found your guitar." Liv smiled walking towards Charlie but she didn´t get a response. He seemed out of breath and was sweaty and pale. "Charlie? Are you okay?" she continued, kneeling down in front of him but he still didn´t look at her. Liv placed her hand on his shoulder and Charlie startled as though she just woke him from a bad dream. "Are you alright?"

"I´m fine." He replied grumpily before continuing to play. Liv was taken aback by his reaction and went back to the stream. Jack has left the caves to get some more things from the beach, but she knew as soon as he returned, he should check on Charlie. "Maybe he´s got a fever." Liv thought to herself.

About half an hour went by in which Charlie disappeared with Locke and came back again, when Liv heard Hurley complaining about the weight of some bags. She rushed to him, seeing Jack and Hurley carrying a big duffel bag together and sighing in exhaustion.

"Can I give you a hand?" she asked politely and took another bag from Hurley, walking besides Jack. "Hey…you should check on Charlie, I´m a bit worried about him…I think he might be sick." Jack nodded as they entered the caves and Charlie, still sweaty and looking confused, ran to them offering help. Confidently he grabbed a bag before Jack could warn him about the broken zipper and loads of stuff fell out. Jack, Liv and Hurley went back outside the caves to get some more stuff while Charlie stayed back, taking the opportunity of no one looking and snooping through some other luggage they just brought in and reading the descriptions of orange pill tubes.

"You need anything?" he suddenly recognized Liv´s voice behind him and as he turned she stood there placing a backpack on the ground, confused look on her face.

"Oh no um… I- I- I was just looking for something for um…" Charlie stuttered, wiping some of the cold sweat off his face.

"What are you doing?" Jack now also appeared and Charlie seemed to get even more nervous.

"Oh uh…I uh have a headache." He stuttered and Jack took a closer look at the medicine he had in his hands.

"Diazepine…that´s for anxiety…" he raised his eyebrows as Liv watched them with interest.

"Well, I was looking for aspirin." Charlie got more confident in his lies and Liv started to believe him.

"Pretty strong stuff for a headache.." Jack scoffed but seemed worried and not so sure about the Brit´s story. Charlie wiped away some more sweat turning around to leave, when Jack´s voice forced him to wait. "Hey are you okay? You looking a little-"

"I- no, it´s nothing, it´s just a headache." The blond man answered bowing down to the bags and trying to clean the mess he caused earlier, when Jack sent him away to take care of himself. Once Charlie was a bit further away Liv turned to Jack and raised her eyebrows.

"You see what I mean?" she whispered and Jack nodded. Something was up with Charlie but he wasn´t ill like Liv suspected.

* * *

Claire was sitting outside of the caves in a tailor seat, rubbing her baby bump while breathing controlled.

"Am I interrupting?" Liv asked as she sat down next to her, mimicking the position.

"No haha…I´m just doing some baby-yoga." Claire explained giggling. "Back in Australia my neighbor gave me those tapes with instructions and I´m trying to remember some."

"Well, can I join in?" Liv smiled and Claire replied it with a nod explaining her how to sit and breathe when they suddenly heard a loud rumble and saw dust coming out from the caves. The girls quickly made their way in just to see people crowding in front of Charlie who came out of the dust coughing and dirty.

"Charlie, where is Jack?" Hurley shouted worried, repeating it after Charlie didn´t answer. Eventually his coughing got better and he had the strength to point into a direction. A part of the "safe" caves had just caved in. Hurley and Jin rushed to the stones that were closing up the part Jack was in, putting some of the rocks away while also ordering Charlie to get help from the beach.

"Where can I help?" Liv asked, a lump forming in her throat.

"Go with him." Hurley ordered. "And make sure you tell Kate."

Charlie and Liv rushed down the forest to the beach and caused a massive riot when Charlie told everyone what happened and that Jack was trapped. Liv, who couldn´t run as fast, being worried about her ankle, stopped in her tracks when she saw Sawyer standing a few feet away without a shirt on. She was sure he couldn´t see her behind the branches as she watched him wringing his shirt out. His muscle flexed as he tried to get all the water out of the shirt. A burning sensation spread across Liv´s body as she saw the sun reflecting on his tanned, sweaty body. She got so lost in watching him that a twig broke making a sound which Sawyer heard and made him turn in her direction. It didn´t take him long to recognize her and putting on a smirk.

"Enjoying the view?" he teased her as she came out of her hide-out.

"You wish." She replied sassy, walking towards him.

"What´s all that about?" Sawyer asked looking at men running into the forest and it was only then that Liv remembered why she and Charlie came down there.

"Oh my god…I totally forgot…Jack he´s trapped in the caves…rocks came down on him and we don´t even know if he´s alive." The words just spurted out of her and Charlie joined them.

"Wait…Kate! Hey we have to tell Kate about Jack." He reminded her and Sawyer hissed as though he had bad news.

"Sorry sport, just missed her." He informed the Brit and Liv raised an eyebrow. "She just headed in the woods ten minutes ago."

"Which way?" Liv wanted to know and Sawyer walked by them.

"I know which way they went. I´ll tell her…you should keep doing…whatever it is you´re doing." He said to Charlie, leaving and giving Liv a wink.

While Sawyer was on his way to Kate but not about to tell her of Jack´s unfortunate situation, Liv and Charlie returned to the caves where Michael gave explanations on why it was a bad idea to remove the rocks without spending a thought on it and how they should approach the situation. After carefully examining everything the group of people started working on another part, slowly removing the stones. Liv helped providing water to the ones that were working when after what felt like an eternity Michael informed them that they were through. Hurley called for Jack and for a moment there they thought all this work was for nothing. But then they heard a cough on the other side and everyone let a bit of their anxiety go. Jack let them know that he couldn´t move which made Michael worried again and thinking for a solution to get him out there.

"Okay we can´t safely make this tunnel any bigger, and since Jack can´t get out…one of us has to go in and unpin him." He explained and some people looked around guessing who would be the lucky one, a discussion slowly forming when suddenly Charlie appeared behind them.

"I´ll do it." He meant and everybody turned towards him.

"No man, look you´re still too shook up…" Michael denied. "I might be able to squeeze through-"

"Hey!" Charlie interrupted him. "Who´s gonna take care of your son if something happens? She´s got a husband, he´s got a sister." He meant pointing at Sun and then at Boone. "I´m alone here. No one on the island." Claire looked down at his statement which Liv was quick to notice. She knew her friend had some feelings for Charlie and that he had some for her. "Let me do this." These words were followed by silence, until Liv suddenly moved forward and spoke up.

"No. I´m going in there." She let them know and all eyes were set on her.

"Woah, no that´s not up for discussion!" Michael waved her request off immediately which made Liv angry.

"Why? Cause I´m a woman? Cause I´m 18? I am small enough to fit through that hole, Charlie, I´m sorry mate but you barely got out there alive, I´m not letting you do this and all you said about being alone here and not having anyone…neither do I. I came here alone and Jack has been very helpful…I need to do this." She meant determined and the guys soon realized it had no sense debating it. Liv was going in there. They handed her a flashlight and gave her a few more instructions before Liv crawled through the tunnel they dug. The sharp edges of some rocks scraped her elbows and the further she got in the tighter it got. With a grunt of exhaustion, she reached the other side where Jack was panting in pain.

"Jack…oh thank god you´re okay." She sighed when she removed the stones pinning him down.

"Thank you." He replied as he sat up and brushed off some dust.

"Do you think you can crawl through there?" Liv asked, pointing at the hole, but Jack shook his head as he hissed in pain.

"No…I think my shoulder is dislocated." He informed her as he touched it with a painful expression.

"Okay..um…then fix it." She stuttered worried but Jack shook his head again.

"I can´t you have to do it."

"No way. I- I´m not a doctor I don´t know what to do." Liv started panicking at the very thought of it.

"I´ll talk you through it. You can do it Liv okay? I believe in you." He talked her into agreeing. However, they didn´t start the procedure before putting a piece of cloth from Liv´s pants in his mouth to avoid the cave collapsing from his screams.

* * *

Some minutes had gone by and the two informed the others on the other side that they couldn´t go through that tunnel. Liv touched the sides of the cave in. There had to be a way out of there, this was not how it was supposed to end. Jack grunted in pain as he tried to stand up to look as well but Liv held him down.

"I´m not a medical expert but I am confident that you shouldn´t move too much." She guessed and she was right as the sigh Jack gave from him suggested. They continued like before, Liv examining the walls and Jack groaning, a painful expression on his face.

"Who were you before the island?" Jack suddenly burst out, but Liv didn´t look at him.

"Does it matter? We get to be someone else here." she answered continuing to look for a way out.

"I´m just wondering…You´ve got pretty strong walls." He explained and Liv scoffed, not really wanting to continue this talk.

"Don´t we all?" she replied sarcastic and Jack let out a short giggle as he stood up in pain.

"Not everyone got them as strong as you."

"Not everyone has been through what I´ve been through." She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes as he stood his distance.

"And what exactly is that?" he insisted on discussing this and Liv sighed repeating that it doesn´t matter but Jack didn´t think of stopping. "Family problems?"

"You´re one to talk with your daddy-issues." Liv retorted, not having his behavior and Jack looked at her shocked. "You talk in your sleep." She added as explanation.

"Fine, yeah…my father wasn´t the best. What about yours?" he eventually opened up and Liv sighed turning to him, her arms crossed over her chest and a soft smile on her lips.

"No, he was…he was amazing he just also loved his job and wasn´t around much. Neither was my mum." Liv´s eyes teared up a little as she almost whispered the last part.

"Who looked after you then?" Jack asked interested and Liv´s head shot up. She got tense and quickly turned back to the wall to hide her tears. She hoped the doctor didn´t notice but of course he did. He made a step forward. "Why is it…." He started taking another step. "…that every time a man comes close to you…" Liv turned around, facing him, angst in her eyes. He was about one step away and her muscles were flexing and her breathing started to get irregular. "…you get all tense and anxious…"

"Jack what are you doing? You´re making me feel uncomfortable." She whispered, her voice breaking and her eyes fixated on his.

"…it happens every time, except when you´re with Sawyer." Jack finally finished now standing so close his body almost touched hers.

"Is there a question?" she exhaled tense and Jack scoffed.

"Why him? He is the worst kind of man and yet he´s the only you let come near to you."

"You don´t know him the way I do." Liv slowly got angry and it showed in her tone. "All the time you spent with him since we crashed, you´ve been fighting and arguing."

"Yeah and what have you been doing with him _to know him so well_?" Jack responded angrily which caused Liv to get even more furious than she already was.

"You are such an arrogant-" Liv wanted to answer when they heard a growl and some gasps from the tunnel. Suddenly the growl got louder as though it was coming closer and some dust came out of the hole. Liv and Jack both stepped back and after a few more seconds Charlie stood in front of them.

"Cheerio guys…um…please tell me there´s another way out of here." He meant pointing at the tunnel which had just collapsed.

* * *

Charlie drank some water from the bottle he took with him after he shared it with Liv and Jack. While Liv continued examining the walls, still sour because of how Jack approached her, Jack and Charlie sat on some stones. The girl was so focused on finding a way out, she didn´t even notice how Charlie was shivering and Jack eyed him carefully up and down.

"How long has it been Charlie?" Jack got Charlie´s attention, however Liv wasn´t engaged in their talk.

"I don´t know what you´re talking about?" Charlie asked confused but also shocked.

"How long since your last fix?" Jack shot out the Brit sighed feeling caught. Liv furrowed her eyebrows and stopped in her tracks…what did he just say? Charlie hesitated as Liv moved closer, shock written all over her face.

"Almost a day and a half." The addict finally admitted and Liv gasped in disbelieve.

"You were on drugs this whole time?!" she almost yelled but Jack showed her with his hand to stop.

"How´s the withdrawal treating you? Any hallucinations?" the doctor continued asking and Charlie was seemingly uncomfortable while Liv´s expression changed to disgust.

"Apart from the conversation I had with you about an hour ago in the jungle.." he smiled softly and a light scoff escaped Jack´s lips.

"Why are you laughing at this?" Liv asked shocked and both men looked at her. "Were you high when you were with Claire?" She suddenly realized all the time these two have spent together he must have been on drugs.

"Liv.." Jack said her name in a warning tone but she didn´t listen, looking at Charlie with a stern gaze.

"It´s not easy to stop an addiction.." Charlie tried to defend himself but Liv just scoffed.

"She´s pregnant! What if you had done something to her while being high?" Liv meant angrily, clearly upset about the betrayal.

"I would have never-"

"You are bloody disgusting."

"Enough!" Jack shouted and a bit of dust came out of small holes between the rocks. "You are being childish. He can´t just control it…being addicted is like your diabetes. It´s a disease and it has to be treated correctly." Liv just snuffed at Jack putting her in her place and Charlie looked at his hands feeling guilty about everything. The men talked more about Charlie´s addiction and that he was religious once when the Brit suddenly looked up like he was hearing or seeing something. Liv and Jack followed his gaze, probably thinking it was a hallucination.

"A moth." Charlie mumbled and the other two looked at where he pointed. Charlie got to his feet, walking to where the moth was flying to. "There´s light. I can see light." Charlie meant his hands buried in a hole in the ceiling. Jack and Liv looked at each other, a glimpse of hope in their eyes as Charlie assured them he had found a way out. He crawled his way up a tiny tunnel to the outside world laughing at being free again. Together Liv and Charlie helped Jack out and hugged each other in triumph and happiness. They walked back to the entrance of the caves where they noticed the other survivors digging the tunnel again but soon turning around when Walt announced them. The trio was breathing heavily, Jack holding his arm as support while Liv felt sorry and bad for belittling Charlie. Kate threw herself onto Jack, relieved that he was alive while the others grouped around them and patted Charlie and Liv on their backs. Once they cleared up and supported Jack to where all the medical things were, Liv cleared her throat and grabbed Charlie by his hands.

"Hey um…before…I was cranky and hot and dehydrated and – this will stay between us – I´m on my period and have some mood swings." Liv explained in a quiet voice and Charlie raised his eyebrows not expecting the latter. "What I´m trying to say is…I´m sorry. You´re not disgusting. You´re actually really sweet and funny and Claire really likes you."

"She does?" Even under all the dirt on his face Liv could see that Charlie was blushing. She smiled at him with a soft nod and turned to go and see how Jack was doing. She helped him putting a sling on while the other people wanted to hear what happened. Liv´s attention was suddenly grabbed by a noise of someone abruptly stopping at the entrance. She turned her head just to find Sawyer standing there, a worried expression on his face like she had never seen it before. She made a few steps towards him when he rushed to her and embraced her in a tight hug. All her muscles flexed and she stopped her breath for a second. But out of sudden a warm feeling came over her and she loosened up, even being able to hug him back and burying her head in his shoulder and messy hair. They were so focused on their moment they didn´t notice Jack´s careful gaze on them. Sawyer pulled away placing his hand on some scratches on her cheek and noticing she had more on her arms.

"It looks worse than it feels." She tried to calm him down but Sawyer didn´t listen. He was genuinely scared for her which was clearly noticeable by the deep crease between his furrowed eyebrows.

"Locke found me and told me you had gone after Jack…what were you thinking, you could have died?!" he asked, guilt-trapping her but Liv tried to smile it away.

"If I didn´t know any better I´d say you were worried for me." She meant with a cheeky smile and soft nudge but Sawyer was quick to deny it.

"Pfff. No! I just didn´t think that we needed another death right now." Sawyer seemed so vulnerable at this moment that Liv wasn´t sure if it was really him. She inhaled trying to argue but her open mouth quickly turned into a soft, comforting smile.

"I´m alright." She assured taking his hand. An unknown sensation went through both their bodies and she quickly let go.

"Liv." Jack´s voice interrupted the moment they just had and both turned to him. "Come here let me check on your cuts. We should clean them and see if something needs stitches." Liv gave Sawyer another comforting smile before walking to Jack.

"So, you´re still gonna deny it?" He meant examining the scratch on her cheek and cleaning it with alcohol.

"I´m afraid I don´t know what you´re talking about." She hissed at the alcohol burning in her open wound.

"Your feelings for Sawyer." He answered and Liv looked around noticing, that only Charlie who sat close by cleaning himself has heard them.

"Sawyer and I are friends. There´s nothing more and there will never be more between us." She lied and Jack nodded, his eyes catching Sawyer´s look after he heard her words. Something in his expression changed as he turned around and left the caves. Jack, although not wanting to admit it, felt good about Sawyer being hurt and Liv telling him she didn´t want anything from him.

* * *

Liv decided to retreat to her own personal space in the caves and just relax and let the shock of the day sit for a bit when she noticed Sawyer´s letter sticking out of her diary. She took the thick book and started thumbing through it when it stopped at a page…and what she saw didn´t make her very happy. With a sigh the girl stood up and walked to the beach to confront Sawyer. But when she arrived at his new tent, she was almost hit by a bottle being thrown out of it.

"Wow, watch where you´re throwing your stuff." She warned him sarcastically but got nothing more than an angry grunt as a reply. "Why does it look like world war three took place here?"

"Somebody broke in." Sawyer admitted going through his stuff and throwing things around. Liv´s expression changed dramatically. The last thing they needed on this island was somebody walking around and stealing.

"Did they take anything?" she wanted to know stepping in a bit further and taking in the mess he made.

"Not important." The Southerner answered not paying much attention to the petite girl. Liv however stated that that mess didn´t look like `not important´.

"I meant…it´s none of your business." Sawyer exclaimed and suddenly it came to Liv´s mind. She took the letter out of her diary and held it in front of his face.

"Are you looking for this?" she asked and Sawyer´s eyes shot up to her, then to the letter and then to her eyes again as he ripped it out of her hands.

"Son of a bitch…you took it? I knew you weren´t in my tent the other day, just to look for me." He noticeably felt betrayed and hurt by her actions but Liv didn´t like the accusations.

"Yeah I took it…but you don´t have to make me feel bad for doing so because I did feel bad. I honestly did until I saw this." She explained in a serious tone while opening up her diary to one of the last pages and showing it to him. "This diary has never left my side. Not until the day we crashed and I found it in your hands. But I don´t smoke. You do." She pointed at a burn-hole in one page and Sawyer´s expression changed into sorrow but with a stern gaze. "You told me you didn´t continue after I told you to stop. You weren´t even halfway through when this happened, yet there´s a hole from a cigarette in one of the last pages. You lied to me."

"Yeah so what. It´s not like I understood anything it says. You write in riddles."

"That was to keep people like you from reading it!" Liv shouted but quickly got quiet when she realized people could hear her.

"And did you read my letter?" he asked, his arms crossed over his chest and his gaze intense. Liv waited too long to reply which was enough of an answer for him. "You´re a hypocrite."

"Well, maybe I am." Liv stated as Sawyer turned around picking up his belongings. "But what the hell Sawyer? Are those things in there true?" she meant ripping the letter out of his grip again. This caused him to turn to her and grab her wrist very tightly which send a wave of shock over her whole body.

"What do you think?" he whispered, being close enough to her that she could feel his breath on her skin.

"I don´t know what to think." Liv replied staring at him and not moving an inch. "I thought I knew you, I thought we could talk about things, I…I thought we were friends."

"Yeah right…friends…and nothing more am I right?" Sawyer backed up and turned his head away, breaking their intense gaze. Liv furrowed her eyebrows as she held on to the letter and the diary.

"This doesn´t add up." She realized but Sawyer didn´t show any sign of wanting to continue the conversation. "You are different…the man in this letter wouldn´t care about that. He wouldn´t care about anything. He´s heartless and stonecold."

"That´s a nice way of describing me." Sawyer scoffed, his voice shaking. But it wasn´t shaking out of anger…it was sadness and regret.

"No you´re not that way Sawyer. I know you don´t want to believe me because I´ve only known you for a bit more than a week but…this doesn´t seem right…unless…you´re not the man this letter is addressed to." Liv eventually pieced together and Sawyer looked at her from the corner of his eye which she took as a yes. "You´re the boy writing this."

"Well aren´t you just a smart cookie." He scoffed angrily as he took away the wrinkled envelope and put it in the box Liv took it from.

"I don´t understand why Mr. Sawyer, why…I don´t get it."

"Of course you don´t! You´re just a kid! You don´t know anything about life and it´s ups and downs and you don´t know what it´s like to have this messed up childhood!" Sawyer shouted and Liv took a step back feeling sad by his false assumptions. She nodded pressing down the urge to cry as she walked backwards towards the exit of the tent. Her heart ached and she didn´t understand why. Her eyes got watery and the stern stare Sawyer had on with not a single sign of regret made it even worse for her.


	8. Confidence man

**Hey guys!**

**Like I said once before this story revolves heavily around sexual abuse and this chapter in particular is probably one of the toughest regarding this matter. I just want to say it in advance.**

**Also please leave a review, I´ll be very happy about it.**

**Other than that enjoy**

Liv strolled along the beach, her head in the clouds and her feet throwing some sand in front of her with every step. She was still shaken up by the events of the day before and her elbows and the cut on her face hurt her.

"Morning Kid." She looked up to see a wet and shirtless Sawyer in front of her. The salty water dripped down from his hair and he had a grin on like nothing happened the other day. "Got some sand on my things there." He pointed at a pack of cigarettes and a book which were covered with the sand Liv threw around her when walking.

"Sorry." She murmured as she turned towards the forest to leave and Sawyer sighed.

"Damn you still mad at me for yesterday? That was nothing, really." He ran after her, quickly grabbing his belongings but Liv didn´t turn around or wait for him to catch up which he eventually did. "Oh come on Kid, don´t be such drag."

"Yeah, well, I get to be pissed. You really hurt my feelings." She stated angrily but Sawyer didn´t lose his smugness and tried to convince her he didn´t mean it that way. "Yeah, maybe you didn´t but you have no idea what I´ve been through and you have no idea who you´re talking to, Sawyer…or whatever the hell your real name is!" Were her final words as she picked up a faster pace and joined the rest of the camp, leaving Sawyer behind.

After she grabbed a banana for breakfast, Liv went back to the caves. She wanted to avoid Sawyer and knew the caves were the best place for that – he barely went up there. The girl listened to Sayid telling Jack how he got injured on the mission to finding a distress signal when suddenly Shannon came in, carrying Boone – who was in a terrible state and bloody all over his face – asking for help. Jack and Sayid rushed to her aid and put Boone down onto a rock.

"What happened?" Jack asked worried as both Shannon and Boone were gasping for air. It took Boone a while to get a word out, but it was enough to set Jack and Sayid off – Sawyer. Jack cleaned the wounds on Boones face, who insisted that it was fine. They discussed why Sawyer had done what he had done as the wounded explained he was looking for his sister´s inhalers and going through suitcases Sawyer added to his stash. Liv rolled her eyes. She was sure Sawyer wasn´t the man the letter was addressed to but he still had a bad temper. As she listened to the men talking, she watched Shannon who was really pale for always lying in the sun and tanning. Her body was shiny from cold sweat and her lips shivering with every breath. Suddenly Jack took off and Liv could only guess that he was walking to Sawyer to confront him.

"Hey how are you?" Liv sat down in front of Boone who had a painful expression on his face. She took a towel which was dunked in water and pressed it onto the wounds Jack hasn´t stitched up and bandaged yet.

"Don´t remember you communicating with me much." He replied with a wince when the cold water touched his open scrapes. Liv just shrugged and sighed as she put some fresh water onto the towel.

"I couldn´t help but overhear your conversation with Jack…Sawyer shouldn´t have jumped you like that." The girl admitted and Boone scoffed.

"You can stop playing nice…you don´t have to try and defend your boyfriend." He softly pushed her hand away and turned his head to the side.

"Hey!" Liv retorted. "I´m not playing nice, I´m actually being nice…also Sawyer´s not my boyfriend. And we had a fight so…I´m on your side now." Boone glanced at her from the corner of his eye and sighed, apologizing for his behavior.

"I´m just really worried about Shannon, you know?" he meant and Liv nodded, dabbing some more water on his forehead to clean the wound. "First thing I´ll do when they save us is getting her to a doctor."

"You still think they´re gonna save us?" she asked sarcastically but soon realized he was being serious. "Boone, it´s been over a week…I don´t think they´ll get to us."

"You may have lost hope, but I have enough for the both of us." he gave her a soft smile which she replied in instantly.

Some hours went by in which Boone didn´t take his eyes off of Shannon and Liv helped him get her water and keep her calm, whenever her breathing´s got rough. Jack has informed them that Sawyer wasn´t willing to cooperate and give him the much-needed inhalers. Shannon was close to getting an attack. Boone and Liv tried to calm her down, get her to breathe normally whilst Jack was frantically looking for anything useful in his bags. Suddenly, Sawyer walked by, giving the group a side-eye while walking to the small waterfall to get water. Jack followed swiftly and demanded the inhalers once more. Sawyer, cocky as he was, made a dumb comment, causing Jack to throw a punch, making the Southerner fall back a little. Jack groaned, his shoulder still not fully recovered from the dislocation and Liv watched them in disbelieve as Sawyer dabbed his lip, standing up again.

"Didn´t think you had it in you!" he meant with a smug when another punch landed against his face.

"Jack!" Liv shouted standing up but staying with Boone and Shannon. Sawyer looked up, blood running out of his mouth as his eyes met Liv´s. She looked at him, worry in her eyes, but feeling conflicted about helping him or not. Sawyer looked away, feeling the resentment from her side, and turned to Jack.

"That all you got?" he asked and Jack was about to completely go off on him when he realized everybody staring at them and looking scared. He simply shook his head and went back to his patient, leaving Sawyer on his knees. The blonde man looked back to Liv, who sat down next to Boone again. She glanced over once more but quickly looked away when their eyes met.

Liv was sitting by the water, splashing some in her face to cool down when she heard someone inhaling sharply.

"Help! She´s not breathing!" Boone´s voice rang in her ears and she quickly ran to the siblings again, arriving together with Jack. The doctor tried to calm her down, telling her it was mostly anxiety and all in her head, while spectators watched them worried. Liv felt overwhelmed. She didn´t know what to do or say and looked at Boone who had tears in his eyes and seemed scared to death. Fortunately, Jack got her to calm down and control her breathing again, pulling Boone to the side, leaving Liv alone with Shannon.

"Just like he said okay?" she tried to continue Jack´s approach. "In through the nose, out through the mouth okay?" Shannon closed her eyes and Liv grabbed her hand to give her some comfort. She watched as Jack ran out of the caves, Sayid following, but quickly put her focus on Shannon again.

Liv feared for Shannon having another attack and went on the search for Jack. She met Kate on the beach.

"Have you seen Jack?" she asked but the second Kate opened her mouth Sayid approached them.

"Liv? We need you." The two girls looked to the Arab and then Jack who was standing a few feet behind him, his arms crossed and his expression guilty.

"Need me? For what?" the girl replied anxiously and Jack looked up.

"You need to talk to Sawyer." He explained but all Liv did was scoff. "Please."

"I´m sorry, but talking to him is the last thing I wanna do right now." She turned to walk away but Jack´s voice held her back.

"You need to find out where the inhalers are. Or are you gonna let Shannon die?" Liv turned in shock and Kate didn´t look less surprised at what statements Jack gave from him. She exhaled deeply before joining the two men. Jack and Sayid accompanied Liv to the place they kept Sawyer and as soon as she saw the blond man tied to the tree with blood on his face all her anger went away.

"What…the actual hell? Did you torture him?" she turned to Jack who glanced over to Sayid.

"There was no other option." The Arab meant and Liv huffed in disbelieve.

"There´s always another option than torture. Couldn´t you just have…I don´t know asked?"

"You saw what happened back in the caves." Jack was almost amused by her naivety and Liv rolled her eyes. "He said he´ll only talk to you." Liv looked at Sawyer who lifted his head and looked at her with a smirk.

"Leave us." He demanded but the other men stood their ground.

"Don´t worry Liv, we won´t leave you. He can´t hurt you." Sayid promised and got a mad look from Liv who pointed at Sawyer.

"Look at him! He´s tied to a tree and injured. He won´t hurt me…leave us for god´s sake." She insisted and after a second of resistance Jack and Sayid walked away and Liv got a bit closer to Sawyer. "So? Where are the inhalers?"

"Mh…did you really think it gon´ be that easy?" he huffed to Liv´s annoyance and nodded at the space in front of him as an invitation to sit but Liv didn´t move. "I want a deal."

"Fine!" Liv shot out and Sawyer was surprised she agreed so fast. "What do you want?"

"The truth. About you. About your past. About why you´re guarded." He explained and Liv swallowed and breathed in for a moment. She knew this day would come where she had no chance but to tell him and she knew he wouldn´t change his mind. Liv eventually took the place in front of him and exhaled deeply.

"My father was from Austria and he met my mum during an exchange year in Brighton. They fell in love and he moved to her, they got married and got three kids. My two older brothers and me." She started and again Sawyer was surprised that she agreed. "When I was six, he got this amazing job offer back in Austria so we all moved there. My mother also got an amazing job and…I mean we´ve been there on holidays and knew the language but not flawlessly and it was still different. My unc-" Liv choked as her eyes welled up and she started fidgeting with her fingers. "My dad´s brother helped us…getting accustomed. Um…I always knew I was his favorite." Liv´s voice was shaky and she couldn´t look Sawyer in the eyes, thus not seeing his worried expression. "He got me presents without any special occasions and when there was one, I got better presents than my brothers. I always thought it was because I still played with him unlike Tim and James who were always hanging out with their friends. Took me a while to realize that I was his favorite because I was a girl." A tear streamed down the girl´s face as she pressed her eyes together and forced the words out of her mouth. "An innocent, vulnerable, little girl he could manipulate. It started when I was eight. My parents often had to work late or were on business trips so he stayed over and tucked me in at night. But after I turned eight, he started to touch me…in places my father didn´t touch me and…I was confused but he assured me that this was normal. Once he watched me bathe…you don´t have to watch a nine-year old taking a bath but my unc-" her voice broke again by the very thought of it.

"Your uncle?" Sawyer whispered and Liv looked at him, the tears making her green eyes pop. She nodded softly.

"He said he just didn´t want me to drown. And then he meant that I had to get clean everywhere and he…helped me." Liv lost her voice and continued talking hoarsely and quietly as the lump in her throat felt like it stripped off her trachea. "He always told me that this was normal and every girl my age was doing this but it had to be kept a secret…and I believed him…because I was a young child…because this was my…my uncle…why would he do something to hurt me?" Sawyer looked at her very carefully, examined her face. She was sitting in a crouched position, eyes locked to the ground and her hands hugging her arms loosely.

"On my tenth birthday, my mum got a raise, so she and dad went out that night. Tim stayed over at a friend´s house and James was on a field trip with his class. It started like every other evening, he brought me to bed, tucked me in…but instead of touching me he wanted me to…to touch…him. And I did. Until he was hard." Liv let out some soft whimpers as she tightened the hug she gave herself and her muscles tensed up. "I don´t remember much of that night. Just how painful it was. How much I bled. How it felt like he was ripping me up from inside…I cried, begged him to stop but he…he just assured me that this was normal and that he loved me and it was for my own good." The girl now couldn´t hold back any longer. She cried, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably and Sawyer wanted to hug her and comfort her so bad, if he wasn´t tied to that tree.

"He raped me…a 98 times until I was thirteen. Until I learned at school that what he did wasn´t normal and wasn´t for my own good and was illegal. That same night we were alone again and he came into my room. I confronted him; told him I would tell my parents. And he got so angry. He yelled at me, told my he only did it because I wanted it, said I was a whore and that no one would believe me because I was just a child and that my parents would hate me and send me away. And I believed him – again!" Liv´s face was covered in tears as she relived the horrors of her childhood.

"That night…was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. He pinned me down and I tried to fight him off but he was stronger and bigger and he smelled like Whiskey and his weight on me made it hard for me to breathe. I screamed but he put a little stuffed animal into my mouth which made breathing even harder. I was bleeding…a lot and it burned…everything burned like it was on fire while he was assaulting me the whole night." Liv added a pause to breathe and calm down. She scratched her arm, leaving red marks and opened her eyes to look at Sawyer. "A few days later my dad and him got into a fight and I never saw him again. I was free." She offered him a weak smile and could swear that he tried to blink some tears away.

"That was up until about two months ago. I came home from school and there he was. Sitting on our sofa as though he had never left. I went numb. My dad explained that they had made up and if I wanted to join them for tea but all I could see were his eyes on me. His smirk. And I could see right there that he was going to do it again. And I could feel all the pain I had all those years ago like the wounds were fresh. I went to my room, packed everything I could think of into my backpack, went to the nearest bank and got all the money I had on my card in cash, drove to the airport and as I sat there and thought about what to do, how to flee from him, the place that seemed the farthest away was Australia. So I got my ticket and 48 hours later I landed in Sydney. But I soon realized the only place where I was safe and where I could become someone new were the States. And the rest of the story…you know." She finished her story. Some tears had dried already and she has calmed down. A long silent pause ruled the atmosphere between them.

"Liv I am so sorry this happened to you." Sawyer meant quietly and she could see he meant it and suddenly she started laughing as new tears came to her eyes.

"You know the funny thing is that I wanted to be as far away as possible from him and now…No one knows we´re on this island. Nobody has an idea where we are – hell, I don´t even know where we are. I am free of him. Yet, I can still see his grin when I close my eyes and I can still feel the pain he caused inside my body at night and every time someone touches me…every time a man touches me…I can feel his hands all over my body. I want to be free but he is still there…I am still his victim." She whimpered quietly into her hands when Sawyer sighed.

"I don´t have ´em." He admitted after a pause and Liv looked up, not understanding what he was trying to say. "The inhalers. I don´t have them. Never did."

"But…but Boone he said…he saw you with his book." She stammered as she stood up looking around, waiting for someone to wake her up from that bad dream.

"Book got washed up, I never had his-" Sawyer got cut off by Liv´s hand slapping him hard across his face.

"You are a bloody bastard, Sawyer. We are done! You are the worst!" she yelled at him and stormed out of the jungle to where she came from, tears rolling down her cheeks as she ignored him calling her. She finally found her way out, passing Sayid, Jack and Kate who apparently joined them, waiting impatiently and shocked by how she looked.

"He doesn´t have them." She informed the men not stopping, her voice although, breaking and shivering with anger.

"He´s lying!" Sayid stated but Liv turned around and looked at him sternly.

"Sawyer may be whatever he is but he wouldn´t lie to me. Not after what he made me do." She assured, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes watering. Jack was just about to comfort Liv when Sayid stormed back into the forest and the doctor and Kate had to follow him before he did anything rash. Liv thought about leaving and letting them hurt him even more, but some very twisted part inside of her still cared for him and so she followed them. What she saw once she arrived at the place was dreadful. Sawyer had managed to free himself and him and Sayid were fighting, rolling on the ground, Jack trying to get them apart. Suddenly a loud, painful groan escaped Sawyer´s mouth and Sayid pulled back. The girl gasped at the sight of a knife sticking in Sawyer´s arm. Jack pushed Sayid back and examined the wounded. He pulled the knife out, making Sawyer wince even more and blood ran all over his arm. Liv swallowed, but didn´t look away like Kate did.

"You hit an artery." Jack gasped, pressing down on the wound to stop the bleeding. "Keep still damn it." He meant as Sawyer moved around in pain. Liv stared at the wound and the blood, all those memories she talked about with Sawyer before, were stuck in her head and she felt sick by the sight of the blood and what she associated with it. Jack sent Sayid to the caves to bring him his medical supplies while Kate kneeled down next to him asking if he can make it stop bleeding.

"Let go." Sawyer suddenly whispered in pain and Liv switched her gaze from his wound to his eyes. He looked up from Jack and met her gaze and in an instant her expression changed from worried to furious. "I know you want it." The victim said with a stern look to Liv but she could of sworn that he seemed sorry or at least a bit sad.

"Shut up!" Jack ordered and Liv turned around. She couldn´t stand to watch him suffer even if she tried to convince herself that that´s what she wanted. She heard the voices of them fade out as she headed towards the caves where she retrieved to her little corner and sobbed into her pillow, hoping no one would approach her.

Some time has passed and Liv was sure Jack patched Sawyer up and didn´t let him die like the man told him to.

"Hey." Liv suddenly heard Kate´s voice behind her and turned around, her eyes puffy and her cheeks red. "How are you doing?"

"Did Jack send you?" Liv didn´t answer Kate´s question and looked up to her with a monotone, emotionless expression. Kate shook her head slightly and sat down in front of the young woman reaching out for her, but Liv pulled away.

"Did he do something to you? Did he make you do something you weren´t comfortable with?" she asked worried and Liv scoffed, turning her head away so Kate wouldn´t see her tears.

"I get it okay? Jack sent you to find out what happened with me and Sawyer. Well, you can tell him that it´s none of his business and actually it´s none of yours too. Just…he has been bumping heads with Sawyer since we crashed here and hasn´t said one nice word about him. He doesn´t know him the way I do." Liv answered in a harsh whisper, looking back at Kate and biting her lip anxiously.

"You think you know him? Have you seen the piece of paper he´s always carrying around with him? Because I did. I read it. He´s a bad man Liv." Kate snapped at her and Liv furrowed her eyebrows and a small smile formed on her lips.

"Apparently you didn´t read very carefully." She simply said and laid back down.

"Hey! I´m still talking to you!" the brunette retorted and Liv rolled her eyes, not bothering to pay attention to Kate.

"I don´t care. You´re just here to spy on me or get information out of me for Jack so he has more reasons to hate Sawyer. I don´t need your fake friendship and pleasantness."

"You know, I get that you´ve been through something and that you´ve got trust issues, but at some point, you gotta see who´s just genuinely trying to be nice to you." Kate stood up angrily and walked away. Liv stared into the blank, wondering if she was wrong about Kate and immediately regretting her actions.

The sun started to set and so did the survivors. Sun has found eucalyptus to help Shannon and her asthma. Claire has moved to the caves with Charlie and Liv spend time with them. She enjoyed their company, not having any hard feelings against Charlie because of his addiction and helping him in his recovery. The sweet blossoming love between the Aussie and the Brit was cute and Liv felt like a matchmaker every time the both of them blushed and snickered at each other´s jokes. They told her the story of how Charlie convinced Claire to move, with pretending to have found peanut butter. Liv´s thoughts slowly drifted away to Sawyer and how he was doing and once she saw Kate and Jack talking, she took the chance to find him and talk.

"Hi." She greeted him quietly once she arrived at his tent and found him sleeping shirtless and a thick bandage around his wound. Sawyer opened his eyes and quickly looked away from her. "I made you some tea. Sun gave me some herbs. It´s surely not the best but…my mum always made me tea when I was sick."

"I´m not sick." Sawyer simply replied, turning to the other side. "And I don´t need your pity."

"Don´t worry I don´t pity you. I actually enjoy seeing the pain making your cocky smile disappear." She giggled and Sawyer couldn´t help but smile a little. "So…? You want the tea?" Sawyer turned back to her and she helped him sit up a little.

"So…" he took a sip of the hot beverage. "You not mad at me anymore?"

"Oh no, I´m furious with you." She explained. "But I realized that you shouldn´t push your friends away and…and that I really like…you." Sawyer choked on some tea on the last part, making him cough and spilling some of the hot water on his bare chest, making the spot burn. "I am so sorry!" she quickly stood up and dried his skin with a piece of cloth that was lying around. Once he got dried up, she started dabbing it slower and they locked eyes.

"I like you too." He whispered and they stared at each other for a moment longer before Liv pulled away.

"Anyway, I hope you´ll feel better soon." Liv stood up and straightened her clothes awkwardly as she was eager to get away from this uncomfortable moment.

"I will as soon as I find that bastard and kill him." Sawyer tried to sit up, but Liv quickly put him down in a lying position again.

"No one´s gonna kill anybody…also Sayid left." She informed him and Sawyer sighed angrily. "And you should get some rest so, I´m gonna leave you to it and…I´ll see you around alright?" she smiled friendly as her hands were still on his shoulders and her brown her was flowing in the soft wind. Sawyer put a hand on hers and replied the smile before she pulled away softly and left into the forest.


	9. Solitary

_Flashback_

_Liv walked home from school, reading the essay she got the best grade in her class on. Once she turned the corner and walked up to her door, she noticed her dad´s car was in the driveway and wondered what he was doing home so early. She smiled from one ear to the other when she reached her front door and turned the key in the lock. _

"_Dad, I´m home." She called for him when she was putting her shoes off, throwing them in a corner. Laughter came from the living room and Liv went there to greet her dad, but what she saw made her freeze in the spot. She let her backpack fall to the ground when she noticed the man sitting in front of her father._

"_Hey darling, look who came to visit. Uncle Max." her father smiled at her but Liv couldn´t take her eyes off the man who she thought she was free of forever. _

"_Hey Olivia. You´ve grown up." Her abuser had a dirty grin on his face as he eyed the skinny girl up and down, his gaze staying on her chest instead of coming up to her face again. Liv tried to hold back the tears and pushed down the urge to scream and scratch his eyes out. Her body got tense and she felt goosebumps forming all over it. _

"_Liv are you feeling okay? You look a bit pale." Her father tore her out of her thoughts and she looked at him with pleading eyes. "Would you like to sit down with us? Have a cup of tea?" _

"_No!" Liv blurted out like a shotgun and quickly tried to come up with an explanation. "No I…um…I have…um…I got a lot to do for um…for school…yeah right I- I- I have to study." She meant in a shaky voice before picking up her schoolbag and running upstairs to her room. _

"_Oliva?" her father stood up, wanting to go after her but got a phone call. "Urgh..it´s work…could you?" he pointed towards the stairs, gesturing that Max should go upstairs and look if his daughter was okay which he gladly did. In the meantime, Liv has reached her room and shut the door. She was breathing heavily, a panic attack about to begin when she locked the door and crouched down in a corner of her room. _

"_Olivia?" she heard her uncle knock on the door and saw him trying to open it but failing. "Olivia, let me in…let´s talk." He said in a soft voice as though he had never hurt her. The girl didn´t answer. She picked up her backpack and emptied it on her bed. Afterwards, she took some shirts, pants and undergarments and packed them in there together with her diabetes kit and her wallet, phone, charger and diary. She was standing by the opened window already, when she turned around and looked at the family photo she had standing on her bedside table. Liv took it out of the frame and put it into the diary before climbing out of the window and running to the closest bank to get all her money from her cards. _

* * *

The wind was blowing through Liv´s hair as she watched Jack remove Sawyer´s bandage with interest. The Southerner hissed in pain.

"You want it easy, quit moaning, I gotta change these bandages." Jack retorted and Liv snickered in the background. It took a few minutes until the new bandage was on and Jack left the two alone.

"What´s with your frown? I´m the one with a stab wound." Sawyer asked when he turned to the young girl who was staring into the ocean, a mindful expression on her face.

"Yeah a stab wound you wouldn´t have without me." She turned to him and gave him a soft nod as he nudged her into the ribs, saying it was alright and he deserved it. "I guess I just haven´t slept well."

"Well, I know what helps in that case." He smiled, catching her interest. "A good breakfast. Banana?" he joked holding the fruit towards her.

"I don´t think I can ever look at a banana once we get off this island." She smiled, taking it and starting to eat it.

"So you do think they´ll find us.." Sawyer inquired and Liv shrugged.

"I don´t know. At least if they don´t we can make a whole lot of things out of bananas." She giggled, standing up, Sawyer following her swiftly.

"Yeah like what? Ain´t like we got the ingredients for banana bread here."

"Do you even know the ingredients for banana bread?" the girl mocked him with a smug expression as they walked besides each other and Sawyer let out an amused scoff. "Here…close your eyes." She grabbed his hand, making him stop walking. Sawyer was reluctant but eventually did as she ordered. "Open your mouth."

"Kid, if this is a trick then you´ll get the worst pay back for it." He smiled but followed her commands. Liv broke off a piece of the banana and put it inside his mouth.

"Now imagine it being covered in chocolate, or that it´s a banana pancake. Or it´s the juiciest banana bread there is." She smiled from one ear to another watching the older man chewing on the banana. They were so focused on the task, they didn´t even notice how close they had gotten and that only a few inches separated their bodies. Sawyer´s eyes flickered open and they looked at each other cheerfully. "Did you taste it?" she asked with a happy smile and all the man could do was reply the smile. He didn´t know where all these emotions were coming from, but somehow that young girl made the cocky Southerner speechless. They looked at each other for another second before Liv broke the gaze and ran into the jungle.

"Where the hell are you going?" Sawyer called after her but Liv simply smirked.

"Come and find out." She suggested and she didn´t have to ask him twice. He came running after her and chased her through the woods.

"When did you become so cocky?" he panted a few feet away from her when they stopped for a minute.

"I´ve always been. I´m just comfortable showing it now." She meant running into another direction. Sawyer followed her and soon caught up. He grabbed her arm, causing her to trip over a root and they both tumbled around the ground laughing. As they eventually came to a halt, Liv was atop of Sawyer. Their faces weren´t far away from each other and Sawyer put a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek afterwards. A cold shower ran down Liv´s spine but not like the ones she used to know. It almost felt pleasant. However, she pulled away and sat down next to the man. It was only then that they noticed they were in front of a lagoon.

"It´s beautiful." She was stunned by nature´s beauty as Sawyer got an idea.

"I bet it´s a nice way to cool down after our morning jog." He joked as he stood up and pulled off his shirt and took off his shoes.

"You´re kidding right?" Liv asked but couldn´t keep her thoughts straight by the sight of his muscular, sweaty torso.

"Do I look like I am?" he unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans, leaving him in only his boxer shorts. "Come on in." he called her once he stepped in the chilly water. "It´s really nice." Liv was hesitant but eventually pulled off her shoes and walked towards the lagoon. "You sure you wanna go in fully clothed? You´re not gonna go back in wet clothes, are you?" Liv raised an eyebrow as she looked down, nervously pulling on the hem of her shirt. "I´ll even look away." Sawyer grinned as he turned around. Liv slowly unbuckled her trousers and let them fall to the ground before fiddling with her shirt. Sawyer dared to take a peek behind him and caught her as she set foot into the water. She felt uncomfortable in only her underwear but Sawyer´s presence somehow made it feel right. It didn´t take long for her to be surrounded by the refreshing water. Sawyer swam towards her but moments before he was able to dip her under water, Liv splashed an enormous amount of water in his face.

"Son of a bitch!" he cursed as he pushed his hair back, an angry glimpse in his eyes before a mischievous grin formed on his lips and he threw himself onto her and pushed her underwater. An excited scream was the last thing she could do before being underwater. But Liv didn´t go down without a fight and pulled the man down with her. They looked at each other as the water made them feel weightless and as though all their worries were far away.

"This is amazing." Liv stated once they came to the surface to breathe again. Sawyer didn´t answer. He simply looked at her with an expression, she has never seen on him before. "You alright?"

"I´m…great." He smiled, speaking the words as softly as possible, causing Liv to reply the smile instantly. They locked eyes as they floated through the clear water, staring at each other longingly and unsure. Suddenly, a twig in the jungle behind them snapped. The pair turned to where the noise came from, fear arising in them.

"Get behind me." Sawyer whispered, placing his hand on her hip and softly pushing her behind him. Leaving his hand on her body. "Who´s there?" he shouted and another twig snapped somewhere else.

"Sawyer…" Liv whispered scared as she held onto his shoulders and pulled herself closer, their bodies touching, their naked skins spending comfort to one another.

"Come out you son of a bitch!" Sawyer yelled another time as Charlie tripped out at another spot of the jungle. Liv and Sawyer exhaled relieved, but stayed in the position they were.

"Sorry guys I…I didn´t mean to…I should…I leave you guys to it." He stuttered, obviously uncomfortable thinking they were doing something else than just swimming.

"Charlie, wait!" Liv pulled away from their embrace and swam to the shore to follow the Brit. "It´s not what it looks like!"

* * *

A few hours went by in which Liv tried to avoid Sawyer after their moment by the lagoon. The sun has already set and Liv sat by the fire on the beach staring into the flames. Although she was sitting so close to the flames, she felt cold and had goose bumps all over her body as her mind wandered off to the day she ran away from home.

_Flashback_

"_No you don´t understand I need to get on a plane now." The girl begged a lady who was looking up flights on her computer._

"_I´m sorry Miss, but the only flights with empty seats are the ones to Zurich, London and Rome. We advise to book a flight in advance and not on the day you want to leave. Do you want me to call a hotel and tell them you are delaying your stay?" the woman asked politely and Liv rolled her eyes._

"_What? No I didn´t book a hotel…please…I just have to leave and go somewhere far away." She pleaded and the helpful woman who noticed the anxiety in her eyes leaned forward so she could speak more quietly._

"_If you are in any kind of danger, I can alarm the authorities without drawing attention to you, if you want." She offered quietly and Liv felt a shiver running down her spine. _

"_No, I just…I just want to leave. When´s the next flight to a place that´s far away?" she shrugged it off and the woman went back to the computer._

"_We have a flight to Sydney, Australia scheduled for tomorrow afternoon and there´s a few seats left." She informed Liv and she nodded. _

"_I´ll take it." The young girl meant, paying the ticket with the money she picked up at the bank before. After the trade was done, she checked into the duty free area, seeing as there was no way back to her old life. _

"Hey Kid, you avoiding me or something?" Sawyer suddenly tore Liv out of her thoughts and she sighed tired. "Want some dinner?" he asked holding a plate with some boar meat in front of her but she shook her head with furrowed eyebrows.

"I don´t know I´m just not feeling well lately." She meant rubbing her stomach and Sawyer sat down next to her, putting the plate aside.

"Maybe you should let Jack check that. Could be something serious." He insisted worried but Liv waved it off.

"Sweet how you care about me but no. I´m sure I´ve just eaten something bad. Anyway I should probably get going. I´m way past my curfew." She joked as she stood up and waved Sawyer goodbye before walking to the caves where Jack and Hurley had a talk about needing a distraction. "Hey Jack can I talk to you for a minute?" Liv interrupted them and Jack nodded, gesturing to Hurley that he should go away.

"What´s up? You feeling okay? You look a little pale." He asked and Liv scoffed while sitting down nervously.

"Do you have anything for…sleeping?" she wondered and Jack raised an eyebrow. "Like sleeping pills, maybe?"

"Why would you need that stuff?" he asked worried and Liv sighed, fidgeting with her fingers.

"Well, since I talked to Sawyer in the forest I…I´ve been having those flashbacks that I tried really hard to get out of my head and…I just haven´t been sleeping good lately and feel really tired and stressed…I don´t know I guess I´m just a bit exhausted with this whole situation." She explained.

"You know I don´t feel comfortable giving such things to people, they can lead to addiction really fast and I´ve got my plate full with Charlie right now. Maybe I should just check on you or…or Sun could make you some herbal tea." He suggested but Liv denied.

"No, no, I´m…I guess I´m fine I should probably just…distract myself somehow." She meant, leaving Jack to it. The girl went to her little sleeping spot in the cave and started looking at the picture of her family she took with her. It was a few years old and all of them had massive smiles on their faces, but little did people know that seconds before the picture was taken everyone was far from happy.

"What are you doing here?" Liv suddenly heard Jack speaking in a rather annoyed tone and looked up when she recognized Sawyer´s voice.

"Wow I gotta say I liked your tent on the beach more." He mocked her as he came closer and Liv hid the photograph in her waistband. "You wanna go for a walk?"

"What?" Liv chuckled surprised by his offer but didn´t deny his hand he reached out to help her stand up. "Where are you leading me to?" she asked after they stumbled a bit through the forest, their hands still holding each other.

"I want to thank you. For confiding in me and for accepting me. And because you are what I would call my only friend on this damn island." He explained and Liv couldn´t help but smile. "I wanted to make a banana bread because it seems like that´s the only thing you´ve talked about all day, but food supplies are limited here." Sawyer came to a halt and Liv noticed that they were at a clearing and a blanket and some pillows were lying on the ground. She blushed as her smile grew wider and the man gestured for them to sit down. "So I asked around and finally got a deal to get a bit of chocolate someone still had hidden. And because of the heat it´s melted so…You said something about chocolate covered bananas?" he smirked as he put all the ingredients out of his backpack.

"You´re kidding me, right? I can´t believe you did that what did you have to give them for this chocolate bar?" she almost started crying happy tears when Sawyer smiled sheepishly.

"Two tubes of sunscreen and a new toothbrush." He admitted and peeled a banana before breaking it in half and offering one to her.

"That´s truly the nicest thing someone has ever done for me." Liv grinned as they dipped the fruit in the sweet liquid. They enjoyed their improvised chocolate fondue until every bit of the treat was gone and then laid down on their back looking up to the stars. Suddenly Liv pulled out the picture she still had with her and gave it to Sawyer who took a close look at it.

"You look happy." He noticed and Liv shook her head with a scoff.

"We weren´t. Moments before they shot this my brothers were bickering and fighting and my father was arguing with them because they wouldn´t behave. My mother was close to a breakdown because we got to spend so little time as a family and she just wanted to have a picture with us all in it." Liv pointed to each of her family members while explaining what was really going on.

"And you?"

"That was the day after I told my uncle I would tell my parents everything and he…I was in a lot of pain. I could barely even stand straight let alone look happy. If you look closely you can see that it´s only my lips that are smiling. My eyes look dead." She sighed as she rolled on her side. A few seconds later Sawyer folded the picture in half and gave it back to her also rolling onto his side. Their eyes met and they just stared at each other for a few minutes not saying a word. The rustle of the leaves tore them out of the position and they looked up at a man standing by their feet. He was strange to them and seemed awkward.

"Can we help you…?" Liv asked quickly realizing she didn´t know his name.

"Ethan." He said, not moving an inch and still staring at Liv as if he didn´t notice Sawyer.

"You need something? Ethan?" Sawyer asked again but the man still didn´t look away from the girl. "Hey!" Sawyer got protective as he stood up and got closer to Ethan who only then looked at Sawyer and backed up. Once he went away Sawyer started packing their things, not feeling like it was safe any longer for them to stay out.

"I´ve never seen that guy." Liv admitted confused and startled by his weird presence.

"Yeah he´s a freak, probably spends most of his time in the forest." Sawyer glared into the woods where Ethan went to.

"Yeah really like who even spends the evening in the forest and enjoys it." She gave him a soft nudge which made him smirk as they started heading back to caves.

* * *

This night Liv could get a bit more sleep than the nights before but she was still tossing and turning and felt more tired and exhausted when she woke up than when she went to bed. After she had come to her senses and stretched, she noticed that most people have already left the caves and the sun was pretty high already. Just as she thought about it being probably midday her stomach started to growl and decided to go to Sawyer and thank him again for their little date the night before. But even on the beach only a few people were working on their tents or going through some of their stuff.

"Where is everyone?" she thought to herself as her feet carried her to the well-known tent. "Morning Dimples!" she greeted Sawyer as she walked up to him reading a book on a plane seat.

"Dimples? Really?" he laughed and Liv shrugged as she let herself fall down next to him.

"Why should you be the only one getting to give people nicknames." She mocked him before they stared off into the distance. "Where is everybody, by the way?"

"Haven´t you heard? They build a golf course, everyone´s playing golf now." Sawyer explained, turning the page of his book.

"And why aren´t you there?" Liv turned her head, making her eyes small so the sun wouldn´t blind her, but noticing Sawyer´s thoughtful smirk.

"This may come as a shock to you but…most people are not too fond of me here." He joked and Liv acted surprised.

"Really? How´s that you´re so likeable." She laughed jokingly punching him onto the arm he had the bandage on under a shirt with longer sleeves. He hissed in pain and she soon realized what happened, apologizing immediately.

"It´s fine." He continued reading his book, Liv´s gaze still lingering on him.

"Maybe we should check it out…the golf course." Liv suggested but Sawyer shook his head denying her request. "Come on there´s not much else we could do here?"

"I´d have a few ideas…" he meant cocky while turning to her with a smirk. The girl rolled her eyes as she stood up and pulled the Southerner to come with her and check it out. He trotted after her unwillingly but on the way to the golf course remembered the words Kate told him earlier about making an effort. He somehow managed to befriend this young girl with a horrible past so why shouldn´t he be able to make other friends. They just reached it for Jack´s final swing at it and people betting on whether he´ll sink it or not.

"See, looks like fun." Liv whispered as they stopped a bit further down from the action. Sawyer grinned and moved further up.

"I got two tubes of sunscreen and a flashlight says he chokes." Sawyer wanted to get into the bet and Liv watched him from a distance. For a moment everyone simply looked at him and didn´t answer and he was about to turn around wanting to give Liv a piece of his mind about `how much fun´ this was when Kate spoke up.

"I´ll take that action." She smiled at him and other people agreed to it as well. Liv came closer too, wanting to watch what happened but she couldn´t help but notice the look Kate gave Sawyer and the way he replied it. She knew he might not feel the same as she did for him, she just hoped for it to be different.


End file.
